As humans, we are inevitably inclined to make mistakes. That's what we're told, anyway. For the most part, we look at our mistakes as catalysts to our overall development. The thing is, for me, there's one mistake that I would love nothing more than to take back, no matter how much I've grown from it. What mistake could be so bad you ask? I hurt the love of my life.
I'm only eighteen and, as we all know, teenagers are notorious for being "in love" with a new person every other week. What can I say? We're hopeless romantics. As for me, you could say I'm a leader in the hopeless romantic department. No one knows that better than the girl that I will always love. Though it's been almost a year and a half since I broke your heart, I still cringe at the thought of saying those five words that cut you deeper than any blade ever could: I can't do this anymore. You gave me everything that you could possibly give. You told me you wanted a future with me. Unfortunately, I was too caught up in my own head to consider the girl who made me believe in love every time I even dared to think of her.
I hurt you badly and, as a guy who says that he loves you, I know that doesn't make much sense. I abandoned you, made you question yourself as you sat pondering: What did I do wrong? I ask myself every day, "Why did I break up with the single greatest girl to ever walk into my life?" Was it out of fear of a long distance relationship? Maybe it was the accumulation of all of my stress exploding on you. Could it possibly be that I was overthinking, as most of us do, and made a brash decision based on meaningless theories? The truth is, I really don't know.
What I do know is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I made you question your self worth. I'm sorry for all of the nights spent crying. I'm sorry that you got hurt by the guy who came after me. I'm sorry for not always being there for you like I promised I would be. I'm sorry that you are so closed off now. I know all of these things are my fault, and I wish I could change them, but I can't. I made a foolish mistake, and you suffered. I consider myself a smart guy, but that was the dumbest decision of my life. I let go of my person.
As guys, a lot of the time, we get so caught up in the stereotypical, macho masculinity that we don't say how we feel when we should. If I didn't learn anything else in watching all eleven seasons of Grey's Anatomy, I learned to tell people you love them while you can. In my opinion, a true man can stand up, admit his faults, speak his mind, and express exactly how he feels. That is exactly what I hope you see if you're reading this, me expressing my true regret and love for you. To the lost love of my life, I hope that you find a man that can do all of those things, and love you as unconditionally as you once loved me, and as I still love you.
Sincerely,
The Guy Who Will Always Love You
