You and I had the kind of friendship that some people search for their entire lives trying to find. You and I clicked so quickly and I knew from the first time that we talked that you were going to be my best friend. And that you were. We talked 24/7 about anything: our crushes, any drama going on in our lives, our dreams and our hopes. I felt like I could tell you everything. That is, until I couldn’t.
It’s always a boy, isn’t it?
He and I first began to talk at your request. And honestly, my only intention was to see if he would consider not being angry at you any longer. But then my conversations with him became longer while my text sessions with you became more hostile. What was originally a friendship born out of trying to fix your heart ended up breaking it more.
I promise you that I never meant to fall for him. And honestly, even “falling for him” is still too deep of a connotation. It is a mere crush, for right now. But that doesn’t matter to you. The fact that I even had a friendship with him was too much for you. That’s why I had to tell you.
The night I told you I poured my heart into your hands and I thought that you would understand. And even if you didn’t understand, I had really believed that you would at least listen. But you didn’t.
I gave up my own happiness and well-being for you. I knew that if I was honest with you about my feelings for him it would ruin everything that we had. But I had to do it. You know that I had to do it. And in the end, I was right. You haven’t spoken to me since. On the other hand, your friends seem to have a lot to say to me still, but that’s a different open letter for a different time.
So goodbye, for good this time. I can’t waste any more time hoping that you find it in your heart to forgive me for what happened. And honestly, I really can’t bring myself to care about receiving that forgiveness anymore. If you had ever really cared about me the way you said you did, you would have let me explain. But you didn’t. So now all that is left to do is get over it and move on with my life.
You’ll always have a space in my heart. But I can’t keep grasping for you when I know you’re not going to ever reach out again.
I love you but I’m not going to wait around for you any longer.
Libbey
