Dear Daddy,
As I sit and write this letter, tears start to fall down my face. It has been ten months since we have spoken or even acknowledged each other’s existence. I watch people interact with their fathers and wish that we could have what they have; I tried for a while to build a relationship with you but it seemed that there were more important things that mattered to you than a relationship with your daughter. Texts messages are left unread and phone calls go unanswered. I sit waiting for you to answer while counting the number of rings it would take to get to your voicemail. It is honestly not entirely your fault as to why our relationship doesn't exist; you were never taught how to be a father or a husband which in the end, left me longing for a relationship that you couldn't give me.
All you have ever done was disappointment me. I have become numb to any from of disappointment because, for the past 22 years, all you have done was go back on your word. You came to the events that you were required to and still looked as if you did not want to be there. You faked being proud of me while all you were doing was fulfilling your fatherly duties. I looked out in the crowd as I danced at competitions or stood in right field at a softball game wondering if you would be in the audience cheering me on this time. Even though you were rarely there, I still managed to continue to smile while dancing and walk up to bat with a smile on my face hiding the fact that you disappointed me yet again.
Because of you, I have been completely turned off by the idea of a family and a husband of my own. I am frightened that if I love a man as much as I can, that still won't be enough to keep him around. I am terrified of giving my absolute all to someone and he not giving his in return. That fear stems from the fact that you never truly loved me; you loved me because you felt required to, not because you appreciated my personality or the little quirks that make me who I am. You didn’t love me because you got to know me you, only loved me because you had to.
All I have ever wanted was a dad in my life; part of me wants to believe that we could get out of the situation that we are in and be a normal family. The other half knows that our relationship has been set in stone and it is time to move on. I wish that you could love me but really showing that love to me by getting to know me and appreciating me for who I am and not who you think I am. I have very little faith but part of me hopes and prays that we change.
Sincerely,
Your daughter
