You were always there, even in my earliest memories. You were a part of some of the most important moments of my life. I always remember you being so very important to me.

Maybe that’s why it hurt so much when you tore our family apart and broke my heart.

Our family used to be so close. We were always there for each other, and we always spent time together. I can remember spending so many weekends at your house, going to the lake with you, and going shopping with you. Those are some of my favorite memories of you. They are what I try to think of when the anger I feel towards you resurfaces.

When Grandma died, I assumed we would all lean on each other like we had in other trying times. However, there was something different in your eyes. A new darkness. Something I was never going to understand. A new addiction on the horizon.

Looking back, I suppose I should have seen all the signs. The lack of money, the extreme loss of weight, the darting eyes, and the twitchy movements. But I was too blinded by my love and affection I had for you to comprehend the battle we were about to endure with you.

For several months, we tried to help you. We tried to help you see what you were doing, to help you see the divides you were creating in our once-close family. But you refused to acknowledge what we were showing you.

Now I don’t even know where you are. I haven’t heard from you or spoke to you directly in several years. Despite the heartache you caused me and the anger I still have for what happened, what you have done has taught me some valuable lessons.

You showed me what drugs can really do to a person.

You taught me that drugs can take someone you know and turn them into a monster you never could have even dreamed up. It changes a person, saddles them with demons. Once you’ve lost someone to their powerful allure, it is not likely that you will ever get them back.

You taught me that heartbreak doesn’t always come from a boy.

Family can break your heart just as easily, if not easier, than any boy could ever hope to. Family knows more about you, they’ve seen you in the most sensitive parts of your life, and they know a part of your heart that no one else will ever get close to. They can destroy you with it.

You taught me that blood isn’t always thicker.

You always want to believe that you can trust family. They are always supposed to be there for you, right? But you chose something that broke our family’s bond and scattered it in the wind. You didn’t even consider what it was going to do to us. You were selfish, and that will probably be the hardest thing for me to forgive.

I wish I could go back. I wish I could save you from the addiction you decided to succumb to. I wish I could do something, anything, to make things go back to the way they used to be.

I wish I could forgive you.

But, healing scars this deep isn’t always that simple. It could take me years to let go of the resentment and anger.

All I can say now is that I hope you find what you were looking for when you left.