You turn your head to the things you expect Him to do and only see what He does NOT do.
Dear college kid,
It is the fall term of your ____ year. You are either in way over your head or you just flat out do not care anymore because it seems too far gone anyway. You hide your worry so well that even your friends think you are doing just fine. Yet in the quiet of your room, you begin to wonder if God even hears your cries. You are that nursing major that cannot seem to get it right. Or maybe you are that business major that does not get enough recognition for always getting it right. Or maybe you are somewhere in between.
You constantly pray that maybe this will be the day. That this test will be the test you get an A on. That this day will be the day your professor realizes you are the only A+ in the class. That today will be the day those constant, over and over again prayers finally get answered.
But it's not.
The day you have been praying for has yet to come. You wake up every day with an open heart ready to receive what God has for you and it comes up short. Every. Single. Day.
Yet you are blind to see that you want to get that A so badly that you do not thank Him for the B. You crave the recognition with your whole being that you are blind to see that He is allowing you to be great at what you do. You turn your head to the things you expect Him to do and only see what He does NOT do. He does more for you than you know.
He opened the door for you in the first place. He placed the fire in your heart to keep going. He is the one who sent you that acceptance letter, not the University. He is the one that told you where to go and what to major in. He is the one breathing life into you on those days when you can not imagine taking another step.
You may want that A and you may want the credit for the hard work (there is not a thing wrong with wanting it). But, there is something wrong with doubting Him. He is always there. Even on those nights when you were down on your knees crying out to Him, only to find out it was yet another disappointment. He heard you. He knows you are struggling.
While I do not have an answer to why the prayers are not answered, I do know this: He is preparing for you something so good, you cannot even imagine it. Maybe you're going to cross paths with someone who is going through the same thing and you both can help each other out. Or maybe you are setting an example to others that even when He is "not good," He still is good.
So when you find yourself on your knees, crying out to Him again, remember that He does hear you. Try to thank Him next time, instead of blame Him.
Proverbs 3:5-6:Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Sincerely,
Your fellow struggling college kid
