First things first: I wanted to start out by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you while I was hurting. I’m sorry for bringing you down with me when I knew I was not at my best. Now to be honest, I don’t know if you even think about me anymore, or if you even care. I know you have a new girlfriend now and I know you’ve probably moved on and will maybe never even read this. But that doesn’t mean I still shouldn’t say it. I know I’ve apologized time and time again, but nothing seems like it has actually worked; at least not in my mind. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about how well you treated me and how poorly I treated you in return.

Since we started out as family friends, I felt like we instantly became best friends. But when we started, everyone told us that it would change everything. That if we ended, everything was going to be different. We didn’t listen and it turns out that they were right. When we ended, neither of us want to go back to where we met. Neither of us are comfortable seeing each other’s family anymore. But even with all that, I wouldn’t go back and change it if I could. You taught me how to love myself again and that someone could actually love me more than anything in the entire world. I’ve never felt the love that you felt for me and I don’t know if I ever will again. People say you have one true love in this world, and I believe if I was in a better place while we were together, than that could have been you.

I know you still probably don’t know what happened and what went wrong. And I know the way I did it was unforgivable. I could have waited, I should have waited. But I knew that if I saw you, I couldn’t go through with it and that wouldn’t have been fair to you either. I also know that it didn’t help the situation that I started talking to someone else so close after I broke up with you, but I have to tell you that what I said at the time was nothing, it actually was nothing. When I came home from school for break and you kissed me outside my house, that kiss gave me the biggest butterflies I could have imagined. And if you said you wanted me back, I would have. That night I cried in front of you for the first time. I did love you, I promise you that. And I probably always will. I’m sorry for everything.

I understand that you have no reason to forgive me and I understand that you have every right to stay mad at me, and that’s fine. Maybe this letter is just a way for me to finally forgive myself. Who knows if you’ll even read this, but if you do, I hope you know how sincere this is; how truly upset I am daily that I put you through so much pain. You never deserved anything I put you through and I wish you all the best in your current relationship or any other relationship you may have. I just hope that you let people in like you let me in. I hope I haven’t changed you so much that you don’t treat girls how you treated me in the hopes that you don’t get hurt again. Trust me, if you treat someone how you treated me, and if they’re smart, they will never let you go.

There’s a lot of songs coming out right now that have got me thinking and I wanted to share those thoughts with you. And I think that’s why I decided to write you this letter. I know you’re more of a “Two A.M." by Adrian Marcel kind of guy but if you could do me a favor and listen to “Hello" by Adele and “Sorry" by Justin Bieber (I see you rolling your eyes already), I think you’ll get how I am feeling and hopefully be able to forgive me. So even if you can't forgive me, I just hope that when you look back, you'll be reminded of all the good times as opposed to all the heartache I put you through.