Ever since the day when our relationship ended, I was struck by a state of grief that is unlike any other. It was an indescribable pain that wreaked havoc on my life and changed the world as I knew it. There were some days that I wish you were simply a better man. Maybe we’d still be in love if you were a better man. Nonetheless, your presence changed my outlook on relationships for the rest of my life. The day you left was the day that I will remember for the rest of my life. Not only because of what I lost, but because of what I gained.
I thought that I would resent you for the rest of my life. However, when it gets down to it,I realize that I need to begin thanking you. So, first I want to thank you for leaving. I used to think that you would never leave, but when you did, my world was literally shook. I had to change life as I had known it for the past three years and I had to figure out who I was. I had to stand on my own two feet, pull myself up by the bootstraps and take charge to become the person I wanted to be. When you left, you taught me the hard way that sometimes people are placed in our life only for a specific period of time. These people serve a special purpose to help you grow into the person you become. These people cannot stay, but their impact ends up being greater than their presence.
Next, I want to thank you for treating me with less than I deserved. Everything you ever did to hurt me, or to make me feel like less of a person is something that I carry with me everyday. I do not carry the wound, but rather I carry the feeling that I know I never want to have again. Thank you for every single day that you made me feel unintelligent, because now I know how intelligent I am, and I don’t need any outside confirmation of that. Thank you for being the person that you are, because you showed me the exact opposite of the personality I want to be with for the rest of my life. Thank you for always making me question my faith. Thank you for putting yourself first. Thank you for being selfish. Thank you for putting me down, even when it was a “joke”. Overall, thank you for being you and teaching me the negative and the positive of the man I want to be with.
Lastly, I want to thank you for walking out on me because you did not only create a better, stronger person. You pointed me in the direction of somebody that is the better man that I always wished you would be. You allowed me to venture away from a small town and meet somebody who embodies every quality that you ever lacked. You kicked me out of the nest, and even though it took me a year later than it took you, I finally filled in your hole.Because of you, my world changed. At times I am guarded, I am less likely to love easy, and I have walls to break through. However, you created a more concrete person underneath all of the tribulation. So, in my own roundabout way, I am thanking you. Thank you for not being a better man.