I just want you to know, I'm not angry anymore.

What happened between us happened a long time ago. You're a different person and so am I. We have both matured and moved on to bigger and better things. But that doesn't change the fact that sometimes it still hurts.

I was never someone that was chased. Never someone that thought very highly of themselves until recently. So when you came into my life, with your kind eyes and soft words, you made me feel special and warm. You picked me up in a time when I was very low.

You sang me love songs, you helped me with school, you paid for my meals. I let my walls down, the walls that I spent so many years building. You made me feel like the world was my personal wonderland, and nothing hurt as long as I had you.

Somewhere, somehow, something changed, something ruptured in our perfect world. You decided it was no longer for you. They were no longer my songs, no longer my words. Someone else took them from your mouth. I could feel every inch of my heart break, every tear against my rosy cheeks fall, every breath shortened and each one hurt. My world was dark, darker than before, with words of anger and words of disgust. Words I was afraid of. My heart was broken into pieces so small I spent over a year trying to find them.

Our chapter ended and I closed myself off from every boy that tried to love me. "It wasn't the right boy", "it's not the right time" I kept telling myself when in reality, I was afraid of hearing those words, and feeling my heart crumble in my chest. Afraid that the next time I let a boy in my heart he would rip it out of my body.

I'm still afraid.

Even now, when a beautiful boy has been pushed into my life, I can't help but push him away. Despite his kind words, I flash back to pain and words of hatred. I don't know how to fix it, but I know that I'm upset.

I know that not every boy will hurt me. I know that I deserve love. I know that one day I won't be afraid anymore. But I don't know how to stop feeling this way.

To The Boy Who Cares,

I'm sorry that I'm so closed off. I'm sorry that I can't tell you how I feel just yet. I'm sorry that I keep pushing you away. I hope that you can understand and give me a shot.

I feel like I deserve it.