Dear Papa,
You are many things. You are an immigrant who didn't let the color of his skin hold him back from success, a Marine who served our country for 12 years, and a correctional officer who does his best to keep our state safe...but most importantly, you are the only man in my life who has stuck around, I couldn't ask for a better father.
Of course, our relationship took years to rebuild. Now that I'm an adult, (barely) I'm beginning to understand the hardships you went through to give my mom, my brother and I everything we needed...and more.
I'm sorry for a lot of things. I'm sorry for everything that mom did to you, I'm sorry she put you through years of anguish. I'm sorry that you felt like you had to turn to the bottle to cope with all of the weight on your shoulders. I'm sorry for all the tears you shed over us. You worked so hard for so little in return, you're the hardest worker I know. I can't imagine the pain that was pounding on your heart every single day, it makes me sick if I even try. She did you so wrong, but you stayed, for my brother and I. No one else is ever going to give me that.
I'm sorry for all of the arguments I provoked, all of the things I said to you...as well as the things I didn't say. I'm sorry for all the grudges I held against you...I guess I inherited your stubbornness. I'm sorry for all those months I went not picking up the phone and calling you, and for all those missed opportunities to tell you I loved you, or to ask you how your day was. I'm sorry for all of those times I skipped out on our plans to go hang out with friends, and for all of those days you waited for me to show up and I didn't.
I was like any teenage girl, putting everything before the people that matter most, my own dad. My deteriorating mental health also made it harder to maintain a relationship with my loved ones, I know I became very distant, but it wasn't just with you, it was with everyone.
I know I don't tell you enough, since this is a topic we try to avoid...but I'm so proud of you for kicking your alcohol addiction. It's now been more than a year since your last sip. Honestly I have never been so proud of someone. You are the strongest man I know, you're doing so amazing and you need to give yourself more credit, old man.
Now that I'm 19, out of high school, and working while going to college I'm going to try and make up for all of that lost time and not dread on what I should've done in the past. I can't wait for the rest of our lives together. I'm looking forward for all the meals we'll cook together, all the road trips we'll take, and all the laughs we'll share. It's going to be unforgettable. I love you so much. Just know that whoever kisses me at the alter will never make me forget the man who made me the strong, hard working individual that I am today. You will always be my #1.
Love,
Your Cookie.
