Dear Straight Boy,

This is not directed towards one specific straight boy, but to the ones who will not accept a simple “no” as a response to “Will you go out with me?” My sexuality is not up for discussion. It is entirely insane that a girl telling a boy she has a boyfriend will make him back off faster than telling him that she is not interested. This is not okay. I am in a committed relationship, and therefore it should not matter whether or not you are my “type.” No means no, but in the culture we live in, “no” sometimes means “convince me.” Just because my relationship does not include a boy does not mean that I am currently seeking one.

I ask that you respect me when I answer your question honestly. Some straight boys tell me that they were not expecting me to like women as they back away slowly. I have heard that I do not look like a lesbian because I don’t wear snapbacks and flannels every day of the week. I’m sorry for not fitting the stereotype you have in your head, but many of us do not. That doesn’t make me any less gay.

From time to time, a friend of the straight boy still approaches after he asks me out. “What’s wrong with going to dinner?” or “Come on, he’s a nice guy. . .” Maybe he is, but that doesn’t change my sexuality, nor does it change the fact that I am in a relationship. Nothing someone could say would alter my decision. I am not a challenge; I am not a prize to be won. The straight boy needs to realize that he is not a special snowflake. It’s not just him that I do not wish to date, it’s every boy. The straight boy cannot change my sexuality by offering me a date.

Straight boy, I have a question for you. How would you feel if a gay man asked you out on a date? You would tell him no, right? You would just say “I’m not gay” and move on with your life. You would not need a qualifier; you would not tell this gay man that you have a girlfriend as a form of defense. You would be a little uncomfortable, perhaps? No amount of girls telling you about how nice he is, or how you should just go out to dinner with him would change your mind. Now spin the table. How do you think I feel? Uncomfortable. That is exactly how I feel. Please, consider this when I next reject your advances.

Sincerely,

The Lesbian