An open letter to the teacher I crushed on in high school.
Before I begin, we all did it. There were definitely people our own (or relatively) age who were fun to look at and who helped pass the time. But nothing inspired us quite like the teacher that you couldn't help but crush on: here's to you.
Dear Adam,
I'm not sure if it's a hormonal imbalance or simply a love for older men, but as a high school girl, I was definitely vulnerable to cupid’s arrow. It struck sophomore year in period 4 English. Not only was I physically attracted to you, my American Lit teacher, but as a Pretty Little Liars loyal fan, I was instilled with hope that someday our love would flourish just as Aria’s had with Ezra- her high school teacher also known as Mr. Fitz. Now this is not intended to go into the gory details of my feelings, but more to show the important things that I learned along the way.
Crushes give me energy. We've all felt the jolt in our stomach when we see our crush or feel the need to be attentive when we're around them. This is common. Therefore, what better way to learn than to crush on my teacher? To this day I could recite Hester’s lines in the Scarlet Letter. Further, as Emma Stone so accurately describes in Easy A, we put ourselves in place of the main characters of books that we read in high school- making it relevant. A forbidden love like Hester and Dimmesdale was precisely what I thought I was experiencing. Therefore, culture was on my side in both classic and modern settings, encouraging me that in either Hester Prynne or Aria Montgomery fashion, my crush was not unrealistic. While I (patiently) waited for you to notice me, and feel the same, I became an all-star student. I paid attention and focused on school to impress you, to strive for excellence for you.
Having gone to private school and issued a uniform, there were few ways to stand out or “dress up” but I certainly got creative. Trying to impress you, a man of such an esteemed position who always looked presentable taught me that genuinely feels good to look good. On days I would dress just to be noticed in my hour of English class, I subsequently would feel better. Though the crush faded over the years, my strive for individualism never did. For that, I cannot thank you enough.
And finally, though this is specific to you, crushing helped me become a better athlete and expect more from myself. Because you were the varsity coach for two women's sports teams, neither of which I played for, I sought both academic and athletic success for the remainder of my career as a student athlete- which continues for one more season. I wanted to show you that I, intrinsically, held the same level of excellence for myself that you held for your athletes.
You may have known that I crushed on you, or you may have been oblivious, but either way you helped me survive high school. Because of my crush on you, I became a better student, athlete, and fashionista. It may not have been a noticeable difference to you then, these are changes that turned out to be crucial to the person that I am today. You helped me focus my academic attention on English, specifically. In December, I will graduate with a degree in English and a minor in Secondary Education in hopes of someday becoming a high school English teacher, just like you.
Sincerely,
Hester
