Dear friend struggling with the holidays:
It's the most wonderful time of year, right? Christmas is right around the corner, then New Year's, and before you know it we'll be starting a new semester. It's supposed to be a happy time. Many of us are back at our parents' houses for the break between semesters. Symbols of holiday cheer are everywhere. As I write this, over a dozen decorative snowmen are watching me in my mother's living room. I swear their eyes are following me.
For many people, it can be hard to get into the holiday spirit. Thinking about the holidays could make you feel anxious and exhausted. You may even start to dread the whole season. But why?
First of all, don't feel guilty. You are not the Grinch. You are not a bad person. You are not evil or anti-Christmas or anti-any other holiday. You are human. You have limits. Unfortunately, this time of year brings many of us close to those limits. There are parties, crowded stores, and tons of pressure to find the perfect gift. Plus, we have to deal with the frightful prospect of Christmas as an adult. Maybe it's nostalgia, but the holiday season just isn't the same as when we were kids. We have responsibilities. And we have to wear pants pretty much all the time now, which is about as much fun as doing taxes.
As a kid, it seemed like the world stopped for Christmas. It was magical. Santa was real and the world was good. Now the harsh realities of the world seem to crash down on us from all sides. Between work, school, aging parents and the loss of loved ones, the holidays make us yearn for the festive times of our childhoods. We set our expectations based on those seemingly perfect memories of holidays past. When the real thing doesn't measure up to what we remember, it can be upsetting.
The holidays can also be a tough time because we are starting to realize that our parents are getting older. As young adults, we start to understand that the people who always took care of us won't be around forever. This hit me especially hard this year, as my mom was diagnosed with ALS. It was a huge wake up call. As we get older and we begin to start taking care of our parents, the household dynamic definitely changes. The same goes if you've lost loved ones around this time of the year. It's understandable to be somber when you're missing someone who was a huge part of your life. It's okay to feel sad. Reminiscing on past holidays can sometimes be painful, especially when you compare this year to previous festivities.
The most important thing to remember if you're having trouble with depression, sadness, anxiety, or any other kind of issue during the holiday season is that you are not alone. Your feelings are valid. There are also some things that could help change your head-space if you're struggling. This advice by no means replaces the help of any health professional. It's just what has been helpful for me.
First of all, try your best not to compare this holiday season to those of holidays past. It's much easier said than done, but I think this is the root of a lot of my issues when it comes to this time of year. We are so caught up in expecting a "perfect" holiday celebration that we remember from our childhoods. In reality, none of those memories were perfect. We just didn't have responsibilities. We were innocent and ignorant to the harsh realities of the world, which left us disillusioned.
The best method I've found is to appreciate every individual day. Breathe deeply. Take every day one at a time. Find something that exhilarates you or makes you exuberantly happy each day. Laugh. If you are going through a loss, look back at your favorite memories with fondness. It's okay to feel sad. Cry it out if you need to. It's okay to miss them, just make sure to use this as a lesson to appreciate the people that are still in your life.
The holidays are meant to be a joyous time, but don't feel guilty if you are having trouble getting into the festive mood. The stigma that surrounds depression and mental illness in general is the main reason why we need to talk about this. Please talk about how you feel. Don't shut yourself away.You'll be amazed at how many other people have similar feelings. If you don't think anyone wants to listen to you or your problems, you always have me.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, I wish you all the happiness in the world.
