Sarah Rhodes,

Is there a possibility to miss someone you’ve never met? If so, that’s exactly how I’d describe my feelings towards you.

This past December, you turned 22 years old, four years older than me. The only difference is while the day of your birth is celebrated, so is the day of your passing.

December 21, 1995.

I dread this date every year. Seeing Mom and Dad in such a state of grief brings me into my own. Although this date holds more significance and sorrow in their hearts then it ever will in mine, I share a great amount of their sadness.

I wonder how it would be today, being able to say I have a sister where others would immediately know who I’m referring to. Instead, I receive puzzled looks and find myself explaining the whole half-sibling situation, without a mention of your name.

Having a sister close to my age growing up surely would have made life a little less lonely. There have been many moments in which turning to Mom and Dad isn’t an option; and although friends can be helpful, they aren’t right there in front of you when you need a shoulder to cry on.

Had you been present in my life, been my source of comfort and friendship, assisting me with boy problems, drama, or what have you; it would have made things a bit easier. You would have been a mentor, that “cool older sister” I would strive to be, someone with various tips and tricks on how to survive life as the years progress.

I’ve always thought about what you may have looked like. There have been several dreams I’ve had recently where I meet you or at least get to see images of you. You have my face, but with much darker hair. I wonder if that’s how it would have turned out. I’ll never know; I can only imagine.

Each night at dinner, as I sit with Mom and Dad to chat about our day's activities and do our daily trivia calendar, I can’t help but glance at the empty chair across from me. Your chair. I envision you sitting there, laughing along with our crazy family stories, sharing your own college experiences and adventures.

All of us together as one big family.

I know you’re looking down on all of us, trying to make sure we’re striving to live the best lives we possibly can. Until we finally meet, I’m sending positive thoughts and prayers towards you, knowing that at any moment, they will be returned.

We all miss you, Sarah. You are in our hearts always.

With much love,

Your sister, Skylar