You are gone and are out of my life, almost all of the time. That is really hard. At first, I missed you a lot, now I look forward to seeing you whenever I can. But, it allows me to remember exactly how much you mean to me and how my life would be intolerably different without you in it.
I like getting texts from you. I enjoy getting emails from you. I love getting letters from you. They could be about nothing or less than nothing. They could be a complaint, a quote of inspiration, or your latest scheme for world domination, whatever it is I want to hear it. These are reminders to me of you and that always makes me happy.
You should know I think of you. I pray for you. I wonder about your life and your friends, I want you to be infinitely happy.
You are my support, my foundation. You remind me who I was, who I am and who I am meant to be. You are the one who has known me through everything. You are the person I trust with my insecurities and my faults, because I know that you are the one person who will never turn away from me. Somehow you constantly remind me of the most integral parts of myself.
It is you to who I’d love to constantly tell all of my successes and failures, which is why I bombard you with information when I get home and why we have three hour long chats.
We have bad memories, but I barely remember them. What I remember is having long chats, helping you pick out clothes for dances, hiding jalapenos in your sandwiches, talking to you on the phone as you cried. I remember us sharing bunk beds, playing Barbies, watching Cyber Chase, dressing our brothers up for tea parties, playing “pile on Dad”. I remember how you read me Captain Underpants, helped me with calculus and speech, stood up for me when I was bullied, spent time with me when I was lonely, reminded me I was strong. These are the only memories that matter to me.
I know no matter how much we fight that we will always be close. It doesn't matter if we don't talk for a month while you are gone. I will always be there for you, for anything, no matter how trivial or stupid it may seem. If it matters to you, it matters to me. I know you would do the same for me.
I love you. I may not say it enough, but it is always true. Never doubt that, and never forget it.
