First of all, I do not intend to apologize for anything I am about to say here. I do not feel the need to couch what I am saying to try to legitimize myself to those who would say I am letting my fragile, female emotions cloud my judgment and rationality.
**There are potential triggers in this piece. Please take that into consideration as you read this.**
Recently on Facebook, I came across an article posted by a friend from the New Boston Post entitled "An Open Letter to College Crybabies from a CEO." The picture for the article was a cliche picture of four college students walking on a campus and their heads were covered with sad emoticons.
I read the article. It made some good points, namely the fact that a lot of college students need to realize that they won't always be able to pull the irresponsible crap they are used to implementing to let things slide. However, I found the general consensus of the writer illegitimizing the hardships of college hard to swallow. Every level of life has its own challenges and hardships. To constantly loop back down to a level you were at before and to say that it was nothing compared to this is harmful unto itself.
Would you tell a preschooler that their difficulties learning how to count are nothing compared to filing your federal income tax? No, because that would be stupid. There is this constant need to throw shade onto the growing process of our communities, but that is again beside the point.
What I found the most troubling about this article was his seeming call for a universal "manning up," which is problematic. This call came in the form of his fourth point, which was titled, "If You Don't Want To Be A Victim, Then Don't Be." I am not even going to address this right now.
However, it was this article that click-baited me into reading another post called "College students need educators, not babysitters." Again, the basic principle of not coddling students who are just afraid of a new point of view is completely legitimate, but that is not what this piece said to me.
To me, it said that trigger warnings are unnecessary entirely. To me, it said that those who publicly take stances that oppress and not legitimize people and their experiences – specifically non-cis, non-white, non-middle class, non-heterosexual people; victims of sexual assault and rape; sufferers of mood and anxiety disorders, etc – do not want to own up to the fact that their points of view can cause serious harm.
When self-titled "feminist" who holds opinions that allude that a drunk person can consent to sex or hints at the idea that catcalling is mainly just low class, homeless "non-Wall Street" men who don't know any better (yeah, I know right?!) comes to speak at a campus, those that wish to protest such hateful speech have as much a right to protest and not welcome her as she does to hold her opinions.
But the catch is this – you can have your own opinions, but you cannot have your own facts. And the fact is rape culture is real. The repercussions of rape, sexual assault, and intimate partner violence are real and they are devastating.
In light of the things she was going to be speaking about – for example, implying that Title IX has gone overboard in its policies devoted to equality and that rape surveys have gotten numbers by calculating illegitimate for the purpose to attacking men, etc – those that protested had a right to protest.
For those who would invoke the First Amendment as a defense for this woman's speech – great job! Free speech is allowed. And those that would try to silence people entirely because of their differing opinions are flat out wrong-- we can agree on that. But with free speech comes the right to use that free speech right back.
There is also this thing called "Freedom of Assembly," so those that created safe spaces had a right to do that as well.
Safe spaces are for those who have been exposed to damaging material. Often, these are people who are suffering from PTSD or have experienced trauma of some kind. This particularly pertains to those who have dealt with sexual assault, rape, and intimate partner violence.
Little known fact, but these experiences are legitimate.
Other little known facts: it is not a weakness to have PTSD. It is as harmful as physical disabilities. It is not a weakness to have a mood or anxiety disorder.
It is not weakness to have emotions.
These pieces constantly tout the idea that to be rational trumps being in touch with your emotions. We are trained to think emotions are weak, that feelings are to be eliminated, that the real world won't care.
That is not a "real" world I want to be a part of.
However, the real world understands everything except mood and anxiety disorders.
We have ramps and special parking spaces for those with a physical disability.
Able-bodied people would never complain that those who can't walk the stairs or need to park close are being coddled.
We have seizure warnings for films and video games with strobing lights.
Non-epileptic people would never complain that those with seizure disorders are being coddled.
But when a victim of sexual assault and rape says that they do not want to read a book that contains graphic rape scenes or welcome a speaker to their campus that speaks on the "false" and "paranoid" facts of rape culture, we crucify them and tell them to stop being victims and to get over it.
I have suffered at times in my life from PTSD after being exposed to extended trauma for a year of my life. I have lost a member of my family to suicide. I have felt on the precipice of following in her footsteps more than once in my life.
For me, I do not need a trigger warning for many things anymore. But for instance, this year I read "Things Fall Apart" by Chinua Achebe. There is rape, violence, and suicide in this book. I was not aware, and when I came across moments of suicide, I shook for about an hour. I had to stop reading because I couldn't hold my book steady enough to read.
I would have liked to know that I was going to read a book that confronted material like this, because it caused a legitimate reaction and affected my ability to complete the assignment.
As I see it, the "real world" people talk about has not caught up to the mental health movement.
The real world needs educators on mental health and awareness. It is not a small "vocal minority."
According to RAINN.org, 1-in-6 women is a survivor of completed or attempted rape and 1 in 33 men are survivors as well.
These are not statistics that should be ignored. Survivors are several times more likely to experience PTSD, alcoholism, fall into drug abuse, and fall into depression.
Those without pre-existing mood disorders become likely to have them. Those with pre-exisiting mood disorders who are subjected to sexual violence have an even harder struggle before them.
My point comes down to this: issuing a trigger warning and being sensitive to your audience is just being a decent human being. It is a major step in acknowledging the truths of the people who surround you.
Becoming more sensitive to the needs of others is not going to dissolve the "real" world. In my experience, those who are survivors, those who have mood disorders, those with physical disabilities and PTSD do not want your pity, your sympathy, or to take advantage of the facts of their life.
Do not tell me you are sympathetic to my "emotional issues." Your sympathy has no place in my life and will do me no good and will only ease your own sense of guilt.
This is not an issue of banning points of view. And I personally reject that position. That is censorship and I do not stand for that. But I think, we do welcome all differing points of view. I would hope that most do. We do not want to silence you.
But something I have learned in college is that sometimes it is better to sit and listen rather than talk and talk and talk.
It is easy to react to oppressive speech by trying to oppress it, to silence it. I don't think that helps any cause; it really just creates more rifts and divisiveness. But we cannot have these kinds of conversations when one side of the discourse is illegitimizing our needs. By attempting to silence you, I believe that protestors are attempting to give you a piece of your own medicine.
We must have safe spaces if we are going to have conversations about rape and rape culture. Talking about it can cause massive repercussions. But that doesn't mean we don't want to talk about it. It is a new idea – a safe space, a place of acceptance – so with it comes challenges and push-back, but I believe it is important to have. Trigger warnings are also important, because it can save an individual from intense residual pain.
At the end of the day, it is up to the individual. If a person thinks they can handle it, then they should feel free to do so. If a person does not feel up to it, they should be allowed to excuse themselves without being told they are destroying the Constitution and someone else's right to dismiss their traumas. No one should be forced to do anything they do not want to. And if that is staying somewhere they feel safe, more power to them. It is not coddling the weak, it is acknowledging and accepting the needs of others. To me that is beautiful. To me that is human.
What is needed is for people to listen. Listen, listen, listen. Educate yourself and listen to the people who experience things that the "real world" deems deficient and weak.
Listen to us, the survivors. We have a lot to say.
