Isn't the feeling of being in love the best? Every day seems a little easier when you have that person that you look forward to seeing. Even just sitting on the couch and watching T.V. is better, as long as they are there. It seems like that person is perfect in every way. Then you find out they struggle with anxiety, and things get a little more complicated.
I am that person. I have anxiety, I don't sugar coat things, and it does make an impact on my relationship. No, its not the type of anxiety you feel before a test, or when you get pulled over. That is normal. The difference is that I can be totally content and happy, and out of nowhere I am filled with anxiety.
I am extremely aware of how I act when I have anxiety, and I know it is not always pleasant. I might be quiet for no reason, I might seem crabby or like I don't want to be wherever we are, but if you know nothing about my anxiety, know that I like having anxiety attacks when I am with you. I am always certain that I will have one- sometimes once a day, sometimes once a week. I never know when it will happen. You are my safe person and it does actually help just to have you with me.
It is hard to be afraid of something inside of you. I never know when the chest tightness, feeling of failure, shaking, sweating, and any other side effect will happen. It helps me more than you will know just having you to hold my hand, or tell me a funny story about when you were a kid, or turn on my favorite song in the car.
While it doesn't always lessen the effects of my anxiety, it makes it easier to handle. Sometimes it can even snap me out of it. If you ever notice that I am quiet for no reason, please don't get offended. I am dealing with something inside of me that I am scared of.
However, anxiety does not define me. I go to college. I like to eat pizza with ranch on it. I love just listening to old records. There are a lot of other parts of me to learn about.
Anxiety is something that I have learned that I have to deal with. While it will indeed impact some days of our relationship, please don't focus on those. Instead, plan dates with me, take me all over town, and treat me just like how you would treat anyone else.
Do not look at me and think “anxiety” because that is not who I am. I am not weak, over emotional, or weird. I have good days and bad days, but I have to focus on the good and so should you. I like to view my anxiety as something that makes me strong.
While most people would call it a weakness, I don't like that. I have been able to live with something that I am terrified of inside of me, and if that doesn't make me tough I don't know what does.
So remember, just because your girlfriend or boyfriend struggles with anxiety does not make them any less of a person. It might mean you have to alter some plans on certain days, but they are just as worthy of your love as any other person.
