You're walking around campus one early morning, coffee in hand and a positive mindset present.
The night before you stayed up till 3am having a mental breakdown because of everything in your life that is not working the way you had originally planned. All you do is cry all night and chug coffee even though it does nothing for you anymore. You made a bad grade on one test and now you slowly feel your world spiraling out of control. The constant reminder of your GPA to get in your desired program haunts you every single day.
This is a new day though, you will not let your lack of sleep, overload of tears and coffee stop you from recouping. You will get everything back on track as to how you want it… well at least you'll act like you'll have it all together.
From the planning your future 3 years out, writing down every single thing that you have to do, the constant self-doubt without it being known and the "stress free" mentality you attempt to have.
Being someone who stresses for no reason about so many things that they cannot control causes even more stress. All you strive for is to make sure that everything is perfect because you fear of failure.
Your friends will tell you to try not to stress, you will hear their positive mindset if they don't make their desired grade because they are positive that they will do better the next time. You think to yourself "why can't I be so resilient when things don't go how I planned?"
You're in the library, 2 cups of coffee in, write tirelessly in your planner. Planning is a coping factor of the stressful life you call your own. By writing in a planner you see things you have to get done. You see a due date and immediately write it a week earlier to ease your fear of it being late, driving yourself crazy and failing in life.
Don't worry girl, you are not the only one pretending you have it all together when in reality everyday you're a "bad" grade away from another mental breakdown.
Sincerely,
The coffee addict sitting in the back of the library.
