If You're A Motherless Daughter, This One's For You
Start writing a post
Relationships

If You're A Motherless Daughter, This One's For You

It's okay not to be okay.

804
If You're A Motherless Daughter, This One's For You
Nicole Ayers

Here’s to Motherless Daughters,

Here’s to the late night cries,

Here’s to getting too attached to your friend’s mom,

Here’s to wishing you could call her for a good cry and a shitty glass of wine,

Here’s to being resilient as hell.

We all remember the worst day of our lives. Mine was the day I lost my Mother.

My mother died shortly after my 14th birthday. The memory runs through my head often, as I’m sure it does to you. At 6 a.m. on a Wednesday morning in 2010, my mom had just gotten home from her third shift job and was winding down to go to bed. She woke me around 9 a.m., told me an ambulance was on its way. She was having heart pains and her arm was numb. I tried to soothe the woman who had calmed me many times before, she was anxiously pacing our hallway. By 9:30, no ambulance. My Mom was getting weaker and pacing faster, I tried to get her to sit, no luck. She fainted in the hallway. I tried to wake her but nothing worked. The ambulance took forever to get to my home, but I can’t blame them. Time seemed slowed, as did my hope. The EMT’s came and tried to revive her, but she had no heartbeat. My dad arrived two minutes after the EMT’s, the look on his lovely face was an unfamiliar hopelessness. I ran into his strong arms, screaming, hoping it was all a terrible dream. The ambulance took her body, we cried and frantically ran to the car, barreling down the driveway. We met the ambulance at the hospital, no lights—we understood and we wept. We said our goodbyes at the hospital and our hearts died that day—the day my mother, my father’s soulmate, left us.

Know we are not alone in our sorrows.

My mother, being active in our church, community, and her job, had many visitors in the coming weeks. Friends, family, co-workers, a variety of acquaintances came to our home, bringing their sympathy and comfort food. Being from the south, food is a staple when a loved one dies. Eating made me feel worse. Their well-meant sympathy left me empty. “Call if you need anything!”, such an insincere promise, particularly when your “person” is gone. The empathetic ones were the ones that stayed when everyone left. They helped you eat all of the food, they cried with you, they filled you with friendship, they kept you breathing. The empathetic ones could place themselves in your shoes, you will always cherish them for that.

You lost your mom before you were ready. She left before she was ready. Perhaps it was sudden, maybe it was expected. The circumstances are irrelevant. It hurts, God, it hurts. Acknowledge it’s okay to hurt. You’re supposed to have your mother, life wasn’t fair. That one day, that terrible day, changed the course of your life forever.

This is to help you understand, there are people out there who get it, who understand your forever pain, your longing for a mother, the reason you get too attached to the older women in your life. When everyone is thrusting sympathy on you, understand it’s okay not to be okay.

Break down, scream, cry, pick yourself up, and repeat.

You will go through so many things without your mother. The happiness will usually be followed with an uncanny emptiness, longing to hear her voice. The sadness will always be amplified by her absence, and that’s okay.

Find solace that the hardest things are over. Losing your role model is the hardest thing that could ever happen. Whether that be your mother, father, best friend, mentor, it’s never easy. You’ve made it through, you will only get stronger from this day. The pain will never stop, but you will find ways to cope. You will learn to be happy with the strength and foundation she left for you.

You will relearn to be happy.

I love you, Mom.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

70754
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

132369
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments