Dear Mom,

I know this time has been in the back of your mind since the day I was born. You rocked me to sleep singing “My Little Sunshine”, but all you were thinking of was the dangers in this world and that you would dedicate your life to protect me from them. But now, you can’t.

I have finally reached the stage in my life where I am no longer in arm’s reach of you. I will be living miles away in an environment neither of us are used to, not yet anyways. Eventually, your lack of control over what happens to me will no longer be the first thought when you wake up and the last as you go to bed, maybe. I am officially a college student and you are officially a college mom.

Growing up you always joked about how one day I would miss your nagging or the home cooked meals I tried so hard to avoid. Making my bed every morning seemed nonsensical to me as I was just going to get back in it, but you told me I would want to know how to do it someday. I never really understood why you would tell me to exercise -, was it because I needed to shed some weight or because you wanted some time with me out of the house? “Clean your goddamn room” was a phrase I heard all too often throughout high school. Your continued desire for me to show some affection towards you as I got older often baffled me.

We would fight like sisters on occasion. Sometimes I got a little too daring with how far I would push you. However, you aren’t my sister, you are my mom. Still, you would rub my back on the nights anxiety took over my body, you kissed my forehead as I cried in your arms even at 18 years old, you helped me up when life would knock me down. You stood behind me and pushed me forward when I thought I couldn’t move anymore. You painted rainbows in my future and told me to always believe. You held my hand during the scariest moments of my life, embracing me when life made me numb. You taught me how to smile when everyone else around me didn’t know how. You stood in the middle of a busy street with me and laughed until tears streamed down our faces. You clapped loud enough for me that Gramps could hear your support for your daughters even in his grave. You made me feel special every day. Every day. I was draped in the cape of security you provided and you are my biggest inspiration.

Mom, as much as I hate to admit this, you were right - a lot! Almost always! Soak it in, because I hope I won’t have to say those words again (though you are always right, even when you are wrong). I do miss your home cooked meals. I am beyond thankful that I know how to make my bed and do my own laundry. Seriously, some of these other freshmen looked like lost puppies in the laundry room. You engrained in me the value of picking up my room and holy crap does a college dorm feel better when it’s clean! I am still learning here, still adjusting, but as I do, I still feel that cape of security.

As scary as this is and as overwhelmed as we might feel, I want to become the superhero you have always been to me. I want to live a life as accomplished as you, be as strong, smart, and special as you. I am less than 3 hours away, and I miss you more than ignorant highschool me thought I would. I want you to know, you don’t have to worry about me. You have taught lessons and values that will keep me safe regardless of where I am or how far I am away from you. You have given me the foundation of success and the support for constant ambition that will last me a lifetime. Being without my mom is hard, but I give you the consideration that it might just be harder for mothers to say bye to their babies.

Thank you for all you have ever done and for everything you will continue to do for me. I couldn’t have gotten to where I am today without you. Together, though far away, we will survive being an official college student and an official college mom.

I love you to the moon and back.