Mom,
First off, let me just say this: you're an amazing woman. You've taught me how to carry myself and how to love myself. I've seen your marriage with Dad go through its ups and its downs. After everything you both have been through, you carry on. What an amazing example you've set for my brothers and I. Thank you. You've stood by Dad for 28 years, gosh that's longer than I thought. I hope that one day I can stand by a man that long.
I know you don't understand what I've been through. I don't expect anyone to understand what I've been though. I know that I ran away after I told you. I'm trying to deal with this on my own. Yes, mom I know: you want to help me but you can't. I'm doing all I should be; I'm seeing professionals, I'm reading books on trauma, I'm open and honest with Daniel. I hate to tell you this but, you baby girl is growing up. Though it's for a stupid reason, I feel it's the best time for me to do this. You and Dad aren't always going to be there to support me when I go through rough times. Yes, mom I know: this is unreasonably rough on me but this is right for me. This is my time. Don't feel bad, you still have Jon Jon and Cobra. I'm sure they're still going to need you. You still have me too. I'm still going to need you, just not all the time.
I'm going to tell you something that I tell a lot of people. I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor. That's why I have that tattoo on my stomach.
I survived something that I could have easily not have. I'm proud of me. Daniel's proud of me. I know you and Daddy are too. After it happened I beat myself up because I felt like I failed you, that's why I didn't tell you. I'm sorry. It's not that I didn't trust you, I hated feeling like I was going to ruin our relationship by telling you this. I then realized that's really dumb. I wasn't the one changing anything about our relationship. The loser who locked me in the bathroom was the one responsible. So let's not let him ruin my life, or our relationship. He doesn't deserve any satisfaction. I won't tell you what I think he deserves right now.
I want you to know I always do and always will love you. I will always call you guys Momma and Daddy. I will always be your baby girl; I just won't actually be a baby. Thank you for being my Momma for 19 (soon to be 20) years. I'm not trying to make you feel old. I'm trying to make you as proud of you as I am proud of you. You're an amazing mother and you've equipped me with more than enough to deal with this. Don't worry, I have your number memorized if I need you.
Forever and always your baby girl,
- H
