Dear Griever,

I know what you’re going through. I understand what it’s like to have lost someone that you once knew. They are gone from your life and with them may have gone some memories. You may be angry, sad or even confused at this point in your life. You may be mad at the circumstances that led to their departure, whether that is by passing away or by their own mistakes. You may feel nostalgic, remembering some of the things you used to do together, but will never get another opportunity to do again. You may be wondering why they had to leave so soon--why did they have to be taken away from me? You may also be wishing for them to somehow reappear into your life--to have everything go back to the way it was.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that. And that sucks to hear, I know. See, I ‘lost’ my dad, but in a different way than most people would think. He is not dead in a physical sense, but for a long while, he was dead to me because of the irreversible choices he made. He is no longer living with us, because he is incarcerated for 11 years. He practically tore our family apart and I lost the man I once looked up to. He was no longer my father, but a stranger that I can go to visit once a year. It’s a hard thing, losing someone close to you. They brought you joy, made you laugh, made the weight of the world feel a little lighter. They could help you when you’re stressed and comfort you when you’re sad. They took care of you--just as parents should. Kids should get to be kids and not have the worries of adulthood yet. But when a parent is gone during a child’s youth, they quickly have to conform to a role that they weren’t ready for. They also have to help their mother or father (depending on who it was that was lost) heal and get back on track. This great loss can make or break a family--but it can also show you how strong you are.

So if you have lost a parent, whether it is by death or by their choice, it still hurts just the same. I understand how you’re feeling, and I just want you to know that everything you feel is valid. You are allowed to miss them and you are allowed to try and continue to live your life in spite of this tragedy. They would want you to be happy and you deserve to feel okay again. I know it’s a difficult situation, but you are able to get through this. I did, and I’m proof that you can really survive anything.

Sincerely,

The Girl That Got Through It