Dear Those That Have Been Left Behind,
Losing a loved one is incredibly difficult and death is not an easy topic to talk about, let alone fully comprehend. Trust me - I know. I've lost more people in my life than anyone should. It hurts and sucks and it feels like I'm experiencing every emotion at the same time.
The pain always feels the same. Whether it be your parent or your best friend or a grandparent... It doesn't matter. . You think about the last thing you might have said to them, especially if you haven't seen them in a while.
You question whether or not they knew you loved them. Did you express it enough? Did you ever actually tell them? And, if you did, when was the last time?
Trust me. They knew.
An experience like this - whether it be a physical, emotional, or what-have-you - always takes time. That's a really cliched statement, and one that you have heard dozens (if not hundreds) of times, but it's the honest truth. You have to take everything one step at a time and do the absolute best you can.
You can't doubt yourself, either. You'll probably question if you can actually deal with it, or you'll have a breakdown and want to give up, or you won't think that you're strong enough.
You might even suppress your feelings for the sake of someone else - to be strong for them and hold them up, because that's what family/best friends/etc. is for. You have to keep each other strong and be there for each other when you need it most, right? That's what we have always been taught.
Don't get me wrong. That is incredibly important. A strong, stable support system is necessary for everyone and any important decision or situation, but you can't let that deter you from going through whatever grieving process of coping mechanism that you need to. Don't put yourself to the side for the sake of another. You are important, too.
Take all of the doubt, sadness, tears, pain, anger... Everything that you're experiencing and let it out. All of it. No inhibition. Cry, scream, write, go for a run; do whatever you need to do.
Don't question it. Don't make the wound deeper. Don't forget that you're not alone. You are not the only one feeling this way. Other people are going through the same, five cycles of grief that you are. They are probably going through them differently, but that doesn't change how they feel. Or how you feel. Or how anyone feels.
Most importantly (and this is a big one,) don't stop. Don't stop being happy. Yes, you can stop for a moment. Take everything in. Be alone for a while. Let your heart close, but don't forget to open it back up again.
Don't stop living.
Sincerely,
The Girl That Has Seen Too Many Go
