Dear you,
You were upset when I put my relationship status on Facebook and when I changed it from “in a relationship” to “engaged.” You were upset that you didn’t get a phone call, or a sobbing coming out story. There was a reason for that.
Between the bigoted comments made at my team dinners, homophobic Facebook posts, who you support politically and your constant quotation of the Bible, I decided it would be better to not tell you and let you find out through social media or word of mouth. It wasn’t to hurt you; it was to save myself some heartache.
Though, when I did tell you that I’m gay, you said, “Well, it’s not what I would’ve wished for you.” You know what I would’ve wished for myself? I wish that you would’ve said, “I still love you,” or “OK, it’s going to take some getting used to, but I’ll get there.” I understand it’s a big deal. It’s a big change. It’s a big step in life to come out, especially when you thought I was straight my whole life.
I hate to break it to you, but my out of the closet relationship right now isn’t my first one. I’ve dated many people in the closet that you probably wouldn’t have approved of. I had three different same-sex relationships. Those “friends” that I had sleepovers with, that I gave flowers to weren’t just friends.
I’m so tired of saying “I’m sorry” for my own happiness. What I don’t understand is how you were happy for me in my relationship with a 16-(nearly 17)-year-old guy, when I was only 13. By the way, he pressured me toward things a 13-year-old shouldn't even think about. Why were you supportive of that, but not my relationship with a woman with whom I’ve been for nearly two and a half years? She's the one who has stood by me through some of the hardest points in my life. On that topic, where were you? In those situations, where were you? Right. You were nowhere to be found.
You call me and make snide remarks and jabs about how I didn’t call you to tell you I was engaged. Guess what? I didn’t call 95 percent of the people I know. We called our parents, and that was it. Everyone else found out through photos on social media, just like you did. You were the only person who made a big deal out of this, and to this day, over a year later, you still have yet to say “Congrats!” or “I’m happy for you!"
You are family, by blood, yes. That doesn’t make you entitled to any part of my life. That doesn’t give you an in, an invitation to my wedding, or a right to know every detail of my life.
Oh, and please, God please don’t say “my (insert family relation) is gay!” when someone calls you homophobic, because guess what? You are. Don’t you dare use that you’re related to me to back your homophobic, hurtful, bigoted comments. Rather, apologize, ask to be educated, and look into different organizations that support LGBT.
In the two years of my relationship with her, you have not once liked a photo of us, a status about us, or even bothered to say congrats. You’ve never asked how she is, or how we met, or how we are doing...or even how our dogs are doing. This speaks wonders in your character and who you are as a person.
Remember, actions speak louder than words.
Unapologetically Queer,
Me
