I can see you hurting, even though you try to hide it every day. I can see it in your tired eyes, that are still red and puffy from crying all night. I'm not going to be the one to sugar coat it for you; heartbreak hurts like hell. It's a constant fight to not break down in front of everyone. It's not being able to listen to songs anymore because it reminds you of that special someone. It's showing certain clothes deep into your closet because it is the outfit you wore on your first date. It's still secretly keeping their picture in your wallet because you don't want to forget their dorky smile. It's countless nights of bargaining with God to bring them back into your life. Believe me, I know it hurts, at least for now it will.

I wish I could tell you exactly why things went down the way they did, but I can't. The thing is, no matter how many times you analyze it, or break it down, you may never understand why it ended. However, you also need to accept the wrong that you did in the relationship. Once you take responsibility for the hurtful actions you might have said because you were angry during an argument, you can heal. In other circumstances, it is entirely the other person's fault. It was not right of them to secretly have someone else on the side while they made you believe you were the only one. Those actions show you how they are not ready for a mature and meaningful relationship. They need time to sort things out for themselves, and in time I hope they reach the point where they realize how badly they hurt you. They deserve to know that you were hurt, but they also deserve to know that you got up every morning, put on a good face, and went about your day.

You're always going to care and love them, unfortunately, when someone actually means something to you, those feelings remain, maybe not in the same way as before. No matter how many times they hurt you, or made you feel small, you will still care. That's not a bad thing, at least I don't think so. It shows that you are mature enough to forgive them and to move on from their mistakes. It shows that you did value them and you did genuinely love them. A part of you will always want them back and maybe, just maybe, eventually your paths will cross. But please do not wait around for them. Go on with your life. Go out with your friends, go on dates with nice people, and figure out who you are meant to be. If God wants you two to be together again, He will make it happen. Trust His plan no matter what you may want and please pray about it.

Just because you are moving on and they might be too, doesn't mean you have to forget about them. A piece of them will always be with you, in memories. I hope that someday you can look back and smile at the memories and laugh at all of the stupid things you two did. Don't settle, don't try and get even, don't lash out at them because, in the end, none of that matters. Be the one to accept what happened, believe me, it's going to take a while. Let yourself feel everything, let yourself cry, let yourself curse and scream. But then let yourself heal, let yourself love again.

You'll be okay. You'll be happy again. I don't know when, honestly probably not for a while but that's just how it has to be. I know you might not believe me right now, but it will all make sense in the end. You'll love again and it will be so beautiful.