Hello my love,
How have you been?
Do you still remember me? All the things we been through? All the special moments?
Let me remind you, since you never really seemed to remember things. It was fate. Everything happens for a reason, and you came into my life. On the first day I met you, I never knew how special you would be to me. We went on dates, and it wasn't long before I called you mine. I knew you were different from day one: I never felt so comfortable around any other person; I was able to be myself and you were able to be yourself; we were able to accept each other's past and flaws. I fell in love for the first time, and it was all because of you-- just your smile can turn an awful day into an amazing day. I can sit there and just stare at you and be happy. You and I, we put everything into the relationship, what happened in three months with us is comparable to a one-year relationship.
But everything was wrong, it was wrong to being with. You are looking for a wife, someone to be with forever. I am looking for someone to spend time with and be happy with. I am not ready for forever, forever is scary. You and I were complete opposites. You are a bad boy with a good heart, I am a good girl with the desire to be bad. You have had sex with many women; I was a virgin. I chose you because you accepted me, and you liked me because I accepted you. We were comfortable together. But I was not what you wanted, and you weren't what I wanted; yet somehow, we fit together so well. I gave you everything and you became my everything. I would check my phone every minute waiting for your reply. I would think of you randomly and smile. You are the first guy to make me feel that way, and the first guy I love. You shared your past with me, and all your inner thoughts. What we had was real. I became part of your family and I treated your family better than mine.
But it was wrong. Our timing was wrong. I am sorry. Because I was pregnant, I was irrational. I got jealous. I was hormonal. I left and called a break. But I didn't know I was pregnant until it was too late. This gave you a chance to think. Over our break, I was emotional, and had a miscarriage. It wasn't until the miscarriage did I realize I was pregnant with your child. We could have been a family. A son, a daughter, or both. We could have been involved in each other's life forever. But you realized I'm not your Mrs. Right. You told me that you couldn't picture yourself with me in the future. I wasn't thinking about the future, I was just enjoying the moment. We broke up and I told you I was pregnant.
In that moment, you became devastated. you wanted to be a dad, and even though I am not your Mrs. Right, you and I cared for each other. But it is over. I became depressed, and started abusing alcohol. After a while, I went to church and began praying. I prayed for our little angel and for God to protect you.
Though we are over now, you will always have a special spot in my heart. You were my first, my first love, and the father of my child. I will always have feelings for you. If you ever need me, I'll be at your door step. No matter how many years pass, I'll always remember you and care about you. I hope we can still be friends, but I know it cannot always happen. We both must move on with our lives. I wish you well. I want you to be happy. I want you to find the girl of your dreams and be with them forever. I want you to have kids and die old. Because I still care.
I know that as time pass, I will eventually have the courage to move on and love again. I am left dealing with the pain of the loss of our child and you. But I am strong. I have many more years to live and I want to be happy. I will move past what happened, but will never forget. Thank you for giving me such sweet memories.
I wish you well my sweet pea.
Love,
Your ditzy brat.
