They say the worst thing a man can do is awaken the love of a woman who he never intends on loving and boy, did you do this to me. I’m not sure what your intentions were with me from the very beginning but I am almost certain that you never intended on loving me. What happened between us comes up at least once a day in my mind and it stays there for a while.
Thinking back on everything I constantly blame myself. I tell myself that I was so stupid for trying and trying to get you to come back or trying to get you to love me when I knew deep down inside that you never were going to. I think about what I should have done differently so that in the end things wouldn't have turned out to be the way they did. You always made the plans, always just wanted to hang out with just us and never with your friends, kept asking me to do things you knew I wasn't ready to do, and always somehow reeling me back in when I would finally get the confidence to walk away.
I go back to the moment we first met. You had a reputation and I knew about it but somehow your charm drew me in and I didn't listen to what anyone was telling me. For a while you made me feel things that I hadn't felt in a very long time. You made me feel like I could be completely myself. You made me feel special. I told you about all of my insecurities, trust issues, and other personal stuff. For you a while you made me feel like I had no insecurities at all. I was starting to fall for you hard and fast.
Then you went for her and left me in the dust. I think the worst part about how things ended was that I had a gut feeling there was someone else but when I asked you denied it over and over again. If you had cared for me like you told me then you would have been straight up and honest with me. I was so upset to the point where I made myself throw up from crying. I had had my heart broken before but never like that. I hated you for the longest time and even after that you still tried to get me to come back once things between you and that girl ended. You even went to the extent of telling me you love me. Luckily I had found someone who when they told me they loved me they 110% meant it.
Looking back at things almost a year later I still think I was stupid, but not for the same reason. I feel stupid for thinking that things were my fault. Nothing I did was wrong, I followed me heart and unfortunately it lead me into the arms of someone who was just manipulating me. You have a new girlfriend now and I hope that you truly care for her because no one should go through everything you put me through. However, through all of those awful feelings I still want to thank you. Thank you for showing me what it feels like to love someone again because from all of the turmoil you put me through I met someone who truly loves me back and it’s amazing. If I hadn't known what it was like for me to love someone again i don’t think i would have opened myself up to this guy and I wouldn't be as happy as I am right now.
So even though I hate you more than anyone for manipulating my heart and head, I also thank you for showing me what I am truly looking for in someone.
