To the guy who used and hurt me,
You were the first and only guy I have ever loved. Throughout the beginning of our relationship, you treated me better than I had ever been treated by guys in the past. You pulled me out of a dark place in my life and showed me light when I couldn’t see any myself. I honestly thought you were the one, and I couldn’t see myself with anyone else.
But I was naïve, and as our relationship progressed, I became so attached that I couldn’t see you for the person you really are, an abuser. To this day, I feel so stupid for not picking up on the signs. I should have noticed when you threw my phone out of the car into a sewer. I should have noticed when you left me alone without a ride at a football game where I knew no one. I should have noticed when you called me on my little brother’s cellphone and left me a voicemail, calling me a bitch and telling me we were done. I should have noticed when you cheated on me, when you threatened to commit suicide if I broke up with you, and when you shoved me to the ground outside a bar. But I didn’t notice because you manipulated me. You made me think I deserved it, and the worst part is that I believed you.
I thought I owed you because you helped me with so much in the beginning. When our relationship started, I was going through a hard time trying to find my identity, who I was. Not only did you help me through that, but you also gave me so much. But for everything you gave me, you took something else away. Because of you, I have the worst trust issues, which affects all of my friendships and all of my relationships. Because of you, I cringe when receiving any form of physical affection, even hugs from my own family. Because of you, I can’t even imagine being in another relationship for a very long time, and I am guarded and scared of ever forming strong feelings for anyone ever again.
I now want to now thank you. Thank you for making me stronger. Thank you for teaching me to fight back. And lastly, thank you for showing me that I deserve better. I now know that I owe you absolutely nothing.
Sincerely,
The girl you should have treated better
