This isn't going to be one of those hard-hitting news pieces that aspiring journalists will savor in their saved articles folders. However, that means nothing to me. In fact, this article could mean nothing to nobody but myself, and I'd still believe it was worth every second spent writing on this crappy Toshiba laptop.
Since as early as I can remember, I have been obsessed with being "that girl". I'm not even quite sure how to describe this person I have depicted in my head. She is everything and nothing in the same breath. I guess she is the person who isn't hindered by my human flaws or fears. Or maybe, she is just a projection of the person I want to be at that particulate time. But I've noticed this dream girl inside my head definitely changes as I age, making her more unattainable than Channing Tatum.
I know, most people are probably checked out or bored by now, but I promise if you hang with me it's about to come full circle.
Today, I checked my Timehop (what a curse and a blessing that thing is), and I realized that I had completely forgotten the anniversary of something that was once very important to me. I was filled with a weird sense of pride, and then I was filled with this kind of awe. As I looked out my apartment window onto another apartment building right next door (this is Chicago what did you expect), I felt a sudden breeze of contentment. A lot in my life is unsettled. I don't particularly love living in this city. I struggle at my job sometimes. I neglect important things. I face a lot of stress on a daily basis. But I am content.
All people, but especially girls, spend their whole lives wanting to be someone else: Someone pretty enough to be a model. Someone smart enough to be in NASA. Someone kind enough to be a saint. Someone cool enough to party at Coachella. But at the end of the day, you'll never be the person you want to be. I know how awful that sounds, but it is true. It's human nature to change a goal for a long time, but then when we achieve even a little bit of it, we find something else we are lacking to fixate on. It is rare that we find moments of contentment, so I am treasuring this period of time where I am not the person I want to be, but I am not thinking of the who I want to be either. I am just living life as me.
The point of language and writing is to express and teach. So let me tell you something, that no one is going to tell you. Something you won't find a motivational quote, a Tumblr post, or even the bible.
-Trying to be the best "you" you can be will set you up for failure.
-Take each bad day, bad situation, or bad encounter with a grain of sugar, not salt.
-Know that you cause your own problems 90% of the time if not more.
-It's okay to hate yourself some days as long as you treasure the days you love yourself.
-You're not "too" anything: fat, skinny, tall, short, smart, shy, insecure.
-You are genuinely bad at certain things.
-Stop killing yourself trying to be "that girl" you created in your head. She doesn't exist, and you can't be her. She is nothing. She is whatever you dislike in yourself and love in another, but your opinions constantly change, and so does "that girl". So stop chasing her and instead chase your dreams.
