Open Letter To Girls That Don't Understand Boys

I am really a love doctor.

Feb 08, 2016

177

Open Letter To Girls That Don't Understand Boys

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Let's start this out by saying that I am a stupid, misunderstanding, selfish boy. I also have probably been spending too much time at the bar talking to the girls who are dangerously close to the edge of getting hypothermia with the outfits they are somehow wearing in the middle of winter. You know the girls I'm talking about.

I have no idea how to talk to girls. I have been told by someone that I am “just the perfect guy to friendzone” and “it is just too easy to friendzone you, Ian” take that as you will, I just thought I was being nice.

The difference from myself and that nice, jerk of a guy you’re talking to, is that I really do care that you skipped class, went to the gym, ate a burger for lunch, or slept walked around your apartment last night.

But yet I am the single guy, typing this in my History of Jazz class. No, I am not complaining that I am single, I am just asking for help.

If you have feelings for someone, why aren't you telling them? Why in the world did this type of relationship happen? Why do I have to wait five minutes before I text back so it doesn’t look like I want to talk to you so bad? Newsflash I do, dingus, that is why I am talking to you.

What even is “talking?”

“Talking” is dating without the label or restrictions. If you tell me that Betty and John are “talking” I think they’re dating. Why can’t people just date and get it over with. If you don’t like someone then don’t drag it on.

So with that being said I am still a stupid boy and I need to be told like a fourth-grader how it is.

“Global warming means more water and less polar bears.” Simple, easy, I get it.

“So like Ian I think I have feelings for you but SigEp formal is coming up and I want to see if I can go to that, plus there is this cute guy in my gym class who can do pull ups, he is so hot. But, but but you’re really like nice and sweet so can we keep texting.” Um, no Rebecca I want someone who is giving me 100% back. Please just be straight up with me.

Again, college boys are stupid and don’t get it, girls. Be the fourth grader. Tell them how it is as simple as possible.

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Open Letter To Girls That Don't Understand Boys

I am really a love doctor.

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You can be yourself without having to explain yourself, because she accepts you and loves you just the way you are.

The temperature may not be very Autumn-like, but these playlists sure are.

1. Southern Gothic

2. Autumn Acoustics

3. Autumn Leaves

4. Deep Dark Indie

5. Dreamy Fall

6. Halloween Hipster

7. Wanderlust

8. Your Favorite Coffeehouse

... Because life happens

1. Realizing there's no more toilet paper when it's already too late.

2. Making a cup of coffee in the morning and forgetting it in the car.

3. Pushing doors that say pull.

4. When you hear people chew.

5. When it's really quiet in a room and you hear that one person breathing like they just ran a marathon.

6. Grabbing a chocolate chip cookie, only to realize it's actually oatmeal raisin.

7. Getting comfortable in bed and then realizing you forgot to pee/turn off the light.

8. That one aunt/uncle that just always gives you that creepy vibe.

9. When your teacher makes you buy a textbook that you never even crack open.

10. Continuing to open and reopen the fridge until the food that you want magically makes its way in there.

11. Walking into a room and then automatically forgetting why you went in there.

12. People that drive without using their blinker.

13. When you have really slow wi-fi.

14. People who feel the need to scream into their phones as if the other person can't hear them.

15. The world's obsession with the Kardashian/Jenner families.

16. Advertisements before Youtube videos.

17. When people read over your shoulder.

18. A-holes that park in the handicapped spots when they, in fact, not handicapped.

19. People who cut in line.

20. The LIRR/MTA

21. Being stuck behind someone who is walking painfully slow.

22. When people smoke cigarettes right in front of the entrance to the building you have to walk into.

23. When boys think it's cool to treat girls like crap.

24. Guys that still go to high school parties even though they've been out of high school for years.

25. Celebrities that are obviously lip-syncing.

26. How you need a scissor to get the scissor out of its package.

27. When people text using that stupid "voice text" function.

28. Telling someone you can't hear them, so they use the same exact volume and just repeat what they said.

29. When someone gets in the shower right as you were about to get in the shower.

30. Saying "What?" for some reason, even though you heard what the person said.

31. When you're in a rush but the light is red.

32. Cashiers putting your change down on the counter instead of in your hand.

33. The people that go up to order food to the cashier but are still continuing their phone conversation.

34. That awkward time in the fall when it's freezing in the morning but stifling in the afternoon.

35. Emailing your professor a long winded paragraph about a problem you are having and they email back, "Sure."

36. Guys who put their car as their profile picture on Facebook.

37. Girls who have "X Years Young." in their Instagram bios.

38. Trying to find the beginning to a roll of tape.

39. When people drive your car and adjust your mirrors/seat.

40. People that talk during the movie.

41. People that decide to engage in conversation right in the middle of the hallway/sidewalk.

42. When someone says, "no offense," and then continues to say something offensive.

43. People that pop their significant others pimples.

44. Teacher's pets.

45. Going to the bathroom and someone goes into the stall right next to you.

46. When someone leaves your room and doesn't shut the door.

47. Political debates between two people who know nothing about politics.

48. When you get all ready to go out and your friend cancels plans.

49. People that drop their friends for their significant other.

50. People that don't like animals.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Things to do in October.

1. Going to haunted houses with friends.

2. Going to Halloween parties with friends or families or both.

3. We all enjoy going to apple orchards to pick apples and to eat donuts with apple cider.

4. When you are younger or through high school, you go trick or treating in various of costumes going door to door saying "trick or treat" and you get candy or whatever they are giving you for Halloween.

5. Another fun part of October is to go to corn mazes which are sometimes fun and hard to do with friends and family.

6. Back in elementary school, we had Halloween Parties where homeroom parents were the ones who planned them for Halloween.

7. Another event that happens during the month of October is Halloween Nights at the Henry Ford in the evenings.

8. The types of candy and food that are popular during Halloween time are candy corn, caramel apples and many other fun foods.

9. I love Halloween and get to see all the interesting and fun costumes that the kids wear which is so amazing and awesome.

10. Listening and performing in Halloween concerts which are fun and get to dress up as well.

11. Carving pumpkins are always fun to carve because you get to do it with your family and friends.

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