Let's start this out by saying that I am a stupid, misunderstanding, selfish boy. I also have probably been spending too much time at the bar talking to the girls who are dangerously close to the edge of getting hypothermia with the outfits they are somehow wearing in the middle of winter. You know the girls I'm talking about.
I have no idea how to talk to girls. I have been told by someone that I am “just the perfect guy to friendzone” and “it is just too easy to friendzone you, Ian” take that as you will, I just thought I was being nice.
The difference from myself and that nice, jerk of a guy you’re talking to, is that I really do care that you skipped class, went to the gym, ate a burger for lunch, or slept walked around your apartment last night.
But yet I am the single guy, typing this in my History of Jazz class. No, I am not complaining that I am single, I am just asking for help.
If you have feelings for someone, why aren't you telling them? Why in the world did this type of relationship happen? Why do I have to wait five minutes before I text back so it doesn’t look like I want to talk to you so bad? Newsflash I do, dingus, that is why I am talking to you.
What even is “talking?”
“Talking” is dating without the label or restrictions. If you tell me that Betty and John are “talking” I think they’re dating. Why can’t people just date and get it over with. If you don’t like someone then don’t drag it on.
So with that being said I am still a stupid boy and I need to be told like a fourth-grader how it is.
“Global warming means more water and less polar bears.” Simple, easy, I get it.
“So like Ian I think I have feelings for you but SigEp formal is coming up and I want to see if I can go to that, plus there is this cute guy in my gym class who can do pull ups, he is so hot. But, but but you’re really like nice and sweet so can we keep texting.” Um, no Rebecca I want someone who is giving me 100% back. Please just be straight up with me.
Again, college boys are stupid and don’t get it, girls. Be the fourth grader. Tell them how it is as simple as possible.