I know you.

I know that you’re holding your face in your hands, trying not to ruin your make-up. You’re surrounded by friends who want to help you but usually don’t know how. You want to stop crying, and you’re so embarrassed that people at this party have seen you break down, but for some reason every time you try to calm down, the tears keep coming. Once you open these gates there’s no going back.

I know you because I’ve been you.

Someone hurt you. Whether it was yesterday or last week or three months ago –– it happened and it hurts more than you ever thought it would. Maybe you didn’t realize how much until just now, when the alcohol in your system amplified every thought and feeling you’ve ever had. Maybe the alcohol was the fuel, but it was not what pulled the trigger.

He did.

He could be anyone. Your ex-boyfriend. Your hook-up of six months. Your friend who suddenly wasn’t just your friend anymore. Or maybe just that guy you thought for a second was different, and it turns out that he wasn’t.

He didn’t mean to do this to you. As much as we would love to think he’s sadistic and terrible and out to get you, he isn’t. He’s not a sociopath.

But events unfolded, mistakes were made and in the end you’re the one who’s left broken and crying –– and he’s the one who seems to win.

In those initial moments of meeting someone special, suddenly your whole world is brighter. Classes seem easier, life seems like a game and every time you have a second to think your thoughts return to him. It’s a high, a drunken daze, maybe even an obsession –– it’s addicting and beautiful and everything you thought it would be.

It’s also terrifying.

Terrifying because you remember when those other ideal perfect relationships slipped through your fingers, when the sun suddenly burns out leaving you in the dark. It makes you feel worthless, ugly, miserable, angry. And you will do anything in your power to never feel that way again. You build your walls, you keep your guard up, you refuse to be vulnerable again. The moment that you do, the moment you let your guns go down and open those gates, you’re at risk of being shot in the heart once again.

Sometimes you can’t help it. Sometimes, you meet that person who seems different. You can tell how much he likes you, you can feel it in his texts, his touches, his smile. This time it’ll work out. This time, you won’t end up broken.

But here you are again. In this bathroom of a house you don’t know, crying your eyes out for the boy that you never thought would break your heart.

Your friends in the bathroom with you are telling you he’s not worth it, that he’s sadistic and terrible and out to get you, that you’re better than him. But you can’t believe them, not now. There’s nothing that can make us feel so small than the person that once made us feel so strong.

I’m not going to tell you to stop crying in the bathroom, because honestly? Sometimes you need to cry in the bathroom with your friends, to let yourself break down, to bring yourself to rock bottom. Because this is the worst it gets, this is the worst you will feel about this guy. This is the start of recovery, the start of seeing yourself for who you really are.

I know you. You will get through this because you’re stronger than you know. The friends that are with you right now will tell you this over and over, because they’re the ones who know you better than you know yourself. They see the situation the way you can’t; they see you for who you are. And one day, you will too.

And I know too that this is going to happen again. As much as we try not to get our hearts broken by keeping everyone at arm’s length, someone will always sneak their way in. And you’ll get hurt. Same with the guy after that, and the one after that too. But each break will make you stronger, smarter, better as a person. Because those guys are worth it too.

I know you. I know you think you made a mistake, that you’re stupid for letting yourself be hurt again, that you won’t ever feel better.

You’re wrong.

You’ll pick yourself up, you’ll dust yourself off and you’ll keep going. Because that’s who you are.

You’re a fighter. You will get back up every time you’re knocked down. And in the end, the fighters always win.