To my friend who passed away,
Today marks 365 days since you were in your accident. It’s safe to say that this year has been a year of tears, denial, adjusting, and reminiscing on the memories. There hasn’t been one day where you haven’t crossed my mind and I miss you more than I can even put into words. I miss your contagious laugh, gap-toothed smile, and your sarcastic comments. I never would have thought that the night at our friends house would have been the last time that I was going to see you, hug you, or even talk to you.
I remember the night of your accident like it was yesterday. When I received the news my world felt like it shattered into a million pieces. Driving to the hospital the day after your accident felt so long, I was dreading seeing you, your family, and our friends. Every time I went to speak the only words I could form were, “I’m so sorry”. Seeing you with a tube down your throat, hooked up to IV's and other machines was absolutely heartbreaking - you didn’t even look like yourself. Seeing you so helpless and hurt killed me.
After you passed, while people were planning your celebration of life, I created a video filled with pictures of you and all of your friends throughout high school. All I can say is, I am beyond thankful I inherited my mother’s habit of taking pictures everywhere I go. I look at the old videos and pictures I took throughout the years of our friendship. It never fails to bring a smile to my face. As the days go by, I become more and more thankful for the memories and times we shared together.
Since you’ve been gone so many things have changed and I wish you could have been here for the ride. You’re physically not here, but I know you are still by my side cheering me on, along with everyone else. You are still a great influence in my life. I always think “what would Wade say if he were here?”... I know you would be kicking me in the ass for still getting upset over your passing, but I am trying my best. Our community will never be the same… you touched so many lives and there was never a dull moment with you, to say the least.
I will never understand why you were taken out of the 7.125 billion people on this planet. I try to believe that He had a different plan for you, that there is a bigger picture, even after a year I haven’t been able to see it. For the longest time I forced myself to pretend like everything was okay. But your death taught me that it’s okay to not be okay. That it's okay to be sad and it's okay to feel empty. All of these emotions remind me that I’m still alive and I’m still present for a reason. It taught me that everyone heals at different paces and that it’s okay to take your time, nobody is in control of how you heal besides you. It also taught me that my life could be taken at any moment and that I need to live it fully and positively.
I do want to thank you for a couple of things. Thank you for always being honest... even if my ass did look fat in those jeans. Thank you for laughing as hard as I did at Mr. McKenney's jokes freshman year. Thank you for letting me be myself around you. Thank you for listening to me complain about the silliest things. Thank you for always knowing what to say. Thank you for the Fugaky dates. Thank you for jamming out to Nickelback with me. Thank you for making fun of me when I deserved. Thank you for the laughs, tears, and everything in between. Thank you for always being such an amazing friend and being a phone call away - literally. You never failed to put a smile on my face even when I was annoyed with you. You were a great son, friend, athlete, and student. You will forever be in my heart and never forgotten, I love you and I hope Heaven is treating you well.
Love always,
Cait
P.S. We (your family, friends, and I) will be raising a Budweiser or two for your 20th birthday next week.
