To my (friend) crush,
It’s easy for me to label you as such, considering that’s how it all began just months ago. At this point, my feelings towards you have done a complete 360…quite a few times. One moment I’ll want us to be hanging out as best friends, and the next day, I’ll want to be cuddling next to you, hand-in-hand while we watch a movie. It keeps going back and forth with no promise of ending.
You were of little significance to me from the day I met you, and I don’t mean that at all in a bad way. It was more of a “hey, I like you, but you're my classmate and nothing more” kind of way. Of course, never would I have begun to imagine these feelings would change within a matter of time.
It took me four years to notice that all this time, I had a wonderfully gifted, personable guy right in front of me that I didn’t bother taking the time to learn more about. I’m frustrated with myself, but at the same time, I’m frustrated with you too. Don’t worry, I’ll get into that later.
We met during our first year of high school, though I’m not sure you recall. We had two classes together, but aside from seeing each other in the classroom and an occasional ‘hello’ as we crossed paths, there was never any real conversation between us.
The next two years felt like a blur. You were there with me in school, I knew you were. But at the same time, it’s like you weren’t. No classes, no crossing paths, and once again, no interaction. Maybe the occasional lunch periods or seeing you involved in extracurriculars were about the only times I caught a glimpse of you.
Our senior year, we were finally placed together again (with you sitting pretty close to me as a matter of fact). It would've been hard for me to ignore your laughter & extroverted personality, so I began to embrace it over the course of the year. We made small talk at times, but of course I thought nothing of it.
Towards the middle of the school year, I was able to see you showcase your talent to the student body, something I hadn’t witnessed since meeting you freshman year. This time around, something clicked. Whether it was the small talk we had begun to make that contributed, or me seeing you in a new light, I still don’t know to this day. In the words of Beauty and The Beast, “there may be something there that wasn’t there before”.
I gradually developed feelings for you, though not in a romantic way. I wanted to be close with you and talk to you more than we had been already, but nothing more. Previously, I never had a friend crush, nor knew the symptoms of having one. But after in-depth explanations from my friends, it was right for me to decide you were my first one.
My attempts at initiating conversation were weak, though I’m proud of myself for making an effort. You would comply, though I understand if you were confused. We barely knew each other, and it was all very sudden. But don’t blame me, blame my heart for ‘finally’ recognizing something special about you.
Romantic feelings towards you would come and go as they pleased, which only made things more difficult. I didn’t know what I wanted from you, or how to interact with you. I was unsure and slightly stressed, especially with graduation around the corner. I wanted to stay in touch, but in terms of the relationship I wanted, I was uncertain. And I still am.
You did promise to keep in touch and talk to me, and we have...but only because I was the one to initiate it. Making plans with you hasn't turned out to be all that successful either. I know this summer is hectic due to college and going our separate ways, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't ignore someone attempts at trying to speak with you.
Yes, it may be a little late to start up a friendship, or even a relationship, but I crave communication. Especially with those that mean a lot to me. You happen to now be one of those people, and I wish you could see that. I am disappointed that you haven’t kept your promise, but also that I never got to know you sooner. Of course
this had to occur last minute. My crush on you was a sneak attack waiting to happen, and I was as unprepared as ever.Despite this beginning at the wrong time, I’d like to thank you for any kind words you have said to me, the favors you have done for me, and your company. I can’t wait to see you succeed in college and beyond. And know that if you decide to talk to me, I’ll always be here waiting to listen with open arms.
Sincerely,
A girl you "wish you knew better"