Dear Downstate New York,

At a recent college freshmen orientation program, I found myself speaking with two individuals. Like me, they were both incoming male freshmen as well as declared finance majors. We got to talking a bit, you know, the awkward conversation that starts when there are 20 people twiddling their thumbs in a silent room. The funny thing about these situations is the fact that they all start with the same easy question, “So, where are you from?”

Naturally, in positions such as this one, I like to reply with the same canned response, “I’m from Upstate New York, just outside of Albany. How about you?” Normally this is a pretty safe bet. Now, it is important to understand that the two gentlemen on either side of me were not from “Upstate.” The one to my left was from your very own Long Island, and the one to my right was (I think) from outside of Boston. We got to speaking of locations that they knew of, which they believed were near my hometown. Among these included the Adirondacks, the Catskills and, well, that was basically it.

The next painstaking comment that came out of the mouth of the student to my left was one so clear that I remember it like it was a few weeks ago (probably because it was). This statement was one that would make anyone from the Saratoga Race Course to Ralph Wilson Stadium cringe. It was none other than the classic, “Well, New York State is pretty much Long Island, the City, Westchester and the rest is just Upstate.”

At the time, I just laughed this off, but over the past week or so that sentence has really got me thinking. Now, don’t get me wrong, neither of these future classmates of mine were ones to blame. I definitely do not know the ins and outs of Boston or even Long Island for that matter, so I am not one to talk.

What I do know now, however, is that us “upstate New Yorkers” don’t like to be belittled by people from downstate. Call it a Napoleon complex, if you will; call it jealousy, but we like to call it pride. In addition to our pride, we would also like to keep our dignity and so, on behalf of the rest of New York State, I would like to offer some requests moving forward as a way of clearing the air between us.

Alright, first things first. We are going to let you in on a little secret, and this secret is going to blow your mind. So, you know how someone from Brooklyn would never like to be associated as someone from Queens? Well, contrary to popular belief, the rest of New York State also has their own regions and would be offended if an outsider identified them as someone from a different region. These regions include, but are not limited to, Western New York, the Finger Lakes Region, Central New York, the Southern Tier, the Capital Region, the Mohawk Valley, the North Country and the Hudson Valley, which could get chopped up depending on where you call “upstate” (we will get to that).

Going along with this, the reason that the word upstate has been in quotation marks throughout this entire letter is because many of these above regions like to be strictly called by their specific name. For example, people of Western New York do not associate with the term "Upstate New York." If you refer to Anchor Bar as Upstate, their wings won’t be the only things getting chewed out, and the same goes for many of these other locations. Please try to respect our personal identities, and we will try to respect yours.

Our second course of action is not a request, but rather a question: how the hell do you define “Upstate?" You see, up here in the boondocks in places like Rochester, Syracuse and especially Albany, we have a frequent conversation about where the Mason-Dixon line of New York State lies.

According to The Washington Post, no one can really agree where this line of separation begins, ends, or how far it goes. Apparently 25-percent of New Yorkers believe that upstate is considered north of NYC (completely wrong), 29-percent believe it is north of Westchester, 22-percent believe it is north of Poughkeepsie (my choice) and 7-percent percent believe it is north of Poughkeepsie. So, before we move on, we would like some clarification, where do you draw the line?

That leaves us with one last request. Do you think it would be at all possible to stop calling your NFL teams New York teams? For starters, everyone knows both of your teams practice and play in the land of Governor Chris Christie. Secondly, players like Sheldon Richardson and Plaxico Burress are really putting a damper on our state name. And third, go Bills!

So, Downstate, we could go on and on about our differences. About how the only reason we are a blue state is because of you. About how we think we could survive as a state without you. About how we dislike the traffic on the Northway due primarily to your winter ski vacations. For some reason, there is an irrational hatred that both of us share, which has been going on for years. Because of this long feud, I fear our cloths may never be fully mended. However, it is my hope, it is our hope that we will eventually come together with a mutual respect.

Maybe someday when you travel to the Finger Lakes for a wine tasting and we travel to the Bronx to catch a Yankees game, we will both smile at the thought of each other’s way of life. Maybe someday when you take a trip to the Adirondacks, and we take a trip to the Hamptons, we will both smile at the thought of each other’s beauty. In its simplest form, we are really just looking for a life style where you would not see us all as characters from "Duck Dynasty," and we would not see you all as characters from "Gossip Girl." That is what we hope to achieve.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter and we look forward to hearing from you soon with your responses!

Love,

Your Upstairs Neighbor