Jessie,
I know that you’re going through something incredibly difficult right now. I won’t pretend to understand the gravity of your loss. I would never diminish your pain by telling you over and over that it isn’t a big deal or that it’ll be just fine. This is a big deal. You spent years investing in a future with a partner that you chose and that you loved deeply. You gave pieces of yourself to someone that no one else on this earth has ever or probably will ever know. You can’t have those back now. He took your secrets and your love and he left. I’m sorry. If I could take it away, I would (obviously), but all the sympathy in the world will not change his decision.
There are somethings I want you to try and remember, though, as you move forward from this. First of all, there is a major difference between being lonely and being alone. You are going to feel both, possibly at the same time. Do not allow yourself to fall into this feeling so much that you forget how truly together you are. You are not alone. You are not single. You are not lost in a world that makes absolutely no sense. At the end of every single day, you are surrounded by an army of people who believe in you and who have faith in your strength and perseverance. Remember that.
Your daughter is going to be keeping a close eye on you - like she always has. Keep it in mind that she is learning from you. Let her see what a strong and capable woman looks like. Give her something to be proud of. Let her see how well and easily you can stand on your own two feet and move forward with your life and hers. And on days when you can’t be strong. When the grief and pain are too much to bear, let her see what it looks like to be human. Let her know that there is no such thing as perfection and that it is more than ok to grieve.
When the irrational fear of being alone sets in, don’t let it. Remind yourself of a few key things. Everyone loves you. Everyone. You are easily one of the most beautiful people on this earth, inside, and especially out. And you have an amazing ass. Super smackable.
One of the most important things you can remind yourself of is that a woman of God kneels for no man. If he is truly leaving you for good, let him. You are stronger without a man who can’t make up his mind and you are more than enough without him. If he wants to come back and you want to let him, that is okay, but don’t beg him to stay or come home. When you find yourself falling to your knees, take the opportunity to pray for peace and strength.
The thing that you must always try to remember, is that every single thing in life is an opportunity to learn and grow. Take it. Learn whatever you can from this and find your own self.
I love you and will always stand by you.
