Dear Dad,
Everything used to be so different. When I was younger, you’d see me at least once a week. Now, I can barely recall the last time I saw or talked to you. I’m just a phone call or text away, but that seems too much for you to handle anymore.
I don’t think you understand how badly you continue to hurt me. Not because you and my mom didn’t work out, some people just aren’t meant to be together and that’s okay. But because you slowly stopped putting in the effort to be my father. I don’t think any girl, or grown woman, should feel this way.
I could never comprehend why you were never able to get your life together, or why I wasn’t important enough for you to provide for. But that’s beside the point. What saddens me the most is when people ask me about my father, and I have to explain why you aren’t completely in my life. I don’t even know the answer, even though I’ve tried to wrap my brain around it a million different times. Yes, we live far away from each other, and you’re busy as am I, and you still can’t get along with my mother, but how are any of those reasons justified in the slightest? It drives me crazy just thinking about how you don’t have a job yet still buy all this luxurious stuff for yourself, but you can’t help pay for my college tuition.
I wish I could say I didn’t care about any of this, but it’s hard when you always say how proud you are of me or how much you love me when I do get that occasional phone call. I try to pretend that all of this isn’t a big deal or that it doesn’t bother me, but as the years have gone on, it has begun to tear me up more and more. I think it’s because I finally realize that I am not a priority in your life like I used to be. Although I wish I didn’t come from a broken home, it’s a part of who I am. It’s taught me to be independent and strong-- stronger than I ever thought I could be.
I honestly don’t know if I will ever forgive you. I want to, but I don’t know how I could. You’ve always said that you’ll make things better, but you’ve never really been good at keeping your promises. I wish I could depend on you, but I know I can’t.
Love,
“Your little one”
