Dearest comfort zone,
You’ve cuddled me like a blanket. You held my hand when I was worried or unsure. You kept me safe and kept me grounded. You gave me a healthy sense of fear and stranger danger and just the right amount of anxiety about who I should be. But, comfort zone, it’s time for me to be honest –– to take a step back and tell you how I really feel. Here it goes.
You have been so good to me, and I appreciate you so much for that. You were there at every gymnastics practice, and you never missed a competition. You were there when I got my first job. You were there when I graduated from high school. You came with me when I started college. You’ve been there through it all. We’ve had our ups and downs; I’ve pushed, you’ve pulled. At times, I even felt abandoned by you. I know now that it was only tough love. You were giving me a chance to grow without you, and that's OK.
But it’s time for us both to face the facts. Maybe it’s time for us to move on. Or maybe I just need some space, you know? Sometimes I feel like you're holding me back. I’m 21 now. I have less undergrad ahead of me than I do behind me. I’m thinking about grad school. I’m preparing to study abroad in Italy this summer. I’m looking into new summer job opportunities, which could mean leaving the summer camp I love at the only place I have ever worked.
Through everything, you’ve been here supporting me, loving me unconditionally and helping me grow. I could never thank you enough for that. But for me to chase my dreams –– to take advantage of the opportunities and adventures that are out there –– for me to grow and to continue working to create this life and this future for myself, I have to let you go. Without you, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I know that.
Maybe we just need some space. Maybe we just need a break. They say, “if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” Maybe in our time apart, we can both live and learn and grow, and if the powers that be bring us back together, we’ll know it was meant to be for the both of us.
It took a long time, a ton of soul-searching and a lot of growth for me to get here. I’m still not really sure if I’m ready to let you go. You’ve been my rock, my safety blanket and my very best friend. And I don’t know if I’m going to thrive in my life without you, but I do know that I will never know unless I give it a shot. I’m ready to live free of anxiety, hesitance, cautiousness and fear. “A life lived in fear is a life half-lived,” you know. Adventure is out there, and I can’t wait to see it.
It’s with a heavy heart I say goodbye to you, my comfort zone, my truest companion. I’ll never forget you.
Love,
Amanda
