Dear K.V.,

I'm being honest when I say I've had a hard time trying to forgive and forget all the times you made me doubt myself and eroded my self-esteem enough to the point where I became socially awkward. I tried to avoid becoming the center of attention for fear of ridicule by my peers and you, naturally.

My appearance of course was the source of all the ridicule but I couldn't help but wonder if there was another reason for the constant bullying causing my self-deprecation.

Being the only African-American in a sea of nearly 100 white students made me stick out like a sore thumb anyway but what made it even more unbearable was the fact that I was rail thin, had long, nappy hair and I wore the largest glasses that enveloped my entire face. Having an extravagant amount of pimples also didn't help. These were the kind of pimples that sent people running to the hills. I really wasn't surprised that the first words to come out of your mouth to me was "crater face." That was the beginning of what would become a nearly two year long tirade of bullying.

Sometimes you would make it seem so innocent. More often than not you would make it light-hearted. A few comments here and there, no big deal. But then you took it a step further when you started getting physical. A tug on the hair turned to pushing and shoving and then finally as a "joke" you punched me in the stomach to show everyone your "strength" as a 5'8, 180 lb. husky African-American woman who had skinny white boys trembling in their shoes.

Anatomically speaking I should have been able to beat you. I was 5'11 by the time I reached high-school but my height was no match for your type of bullying. Your type of bullying cut me down like a tree from the inside out. Every time when I felt like you forgot about me it would just start all over again. I couldn't wait to get away from you. In fact I even fantasized about transferring to a different school. Didn't work out that way.

At some point I thought my anger would spill over and cause me to really do some damage. This was something I fantasized about but would feel guilty about later. Imagine if I suddenly gained super human strength and beat your a** this time. That would give me the most satisfaction.

Well that time did come and it crept upon me when I least expected it. I'm sure you remember the day you sat behind me and started yanking my hair out. I politely told you to stop but then you started verbally assaulting me while I ignored your tired a**. When that didn't work you pulled out all the stops when you grabbed a broom and hit me in the head with it like a baseball bat. I lost it and yanked the broom from your sweaty hands and broke it over my knee. I then announced that I would bust your head with it and swung at your head just barely missing your temple. If I hit you there it would have killed you.

I'm sure you're not proud to admitting running from me to the back of the class cowering in the corner begging me not to kill you. I was so infused with anger I really didn't care if I scared you. Luckily the teacher stopped me from going any further.

At this point it should have been over between the two of us but as fate stepped in we slowly became friends. I remember scratching my head when you asked me to join your daily card game with your friends. At first I thought it was a trap but this was my chance to find out what your intentions truly were.

You told me how your parents divorced and how you struggled with manic depression and how you overcame an eating disorder. Now I found the source of your anger. But really surprised me was when you said you were jealous because it seemed that I had it "all together." I finally saw the human side to you, the vulnerable side. I slowly put down my defenses and we became the best of friends. I'm glad you taught me how to gamble. In one way it's ironic. When gambling you can't be too judgmental, strategy is what it takes to win. When facing a bully being judgmental will only make things worse. It's best to find the source of the bullying and nip it in the bud.

It took me many years to say this but I want to thank you for making me a better, braver person.

Evon Felix