I wouldn’t have done it. I wouldn’t have said those five heart-wrenching words that were clearer than day: “I’m breaking up with you.” You did it. You ripped the Band-Aid and good for you because we both knew it had to be done.
We found ourselves at a toxic point in our relationship, where we were both stuck in the routine of pretending it wasn’t over, and hoping the other one would just up and quit. I think, deep down, we always knew it would end up this way: never talking, not knowing anything about the other anymore, essentially pretending like the other doesn’t exist.
It was clear to both of us that we had both moved on in our heads, but no one wanted to admit it. We barely talked, and if we did, it was forced and uncomfortable, ultimately unappealing.
Being stuck in a cycle day after day of pretending your relationship is OK is a sad excuse to live your life, and for ending it, I thank you. If it wasn’t for that we would still probably be finding new ways to avoid talking to each other, to hide from another fight, or pretending that you’re still not over the fact that you haven’t seen each other in almost two months, but act acting like your “relationship” is still a thing.
Thank you for cutting me off and letting me drown in my temporary sadness to get over you without any sense of you around. We had been drowning together for so long and it was time to let it go.
At first, I blamed myself for the whole thing. I thought it was my fault that your friends didn’t like me, or that I was selfish for asking you to hang out even though we both weren’t doing anything. Then you moved away and it seemed pretty obvious that we would never see each other again, becoming strangers like we had been before.
My friends ask about you all the time, and all I can say is, “I don’t know,” and frankly I’m glad that I don’t. I want to continue to go through my day without knowing what new girl you’re all over, or how happy you are at your new job. I flat out don’t want to know.
For all the amazing things you seemed to be to me, I slowly learned that they weren’t meant for me, but for someone else, and it was a good thing that you and I were no longer a “we.” We had to end, but it still hurts when I see things that remind me of you. However, at the end of the day, I’m thankful that you had the strength to do what everyone knew I never would. Without you, I realize all the things I sacrificed to keep you, and all the things I gave up to let you in more. This doesn’t mean I hope I never see you again, and I’ll always love you, but thank you for leaving and giving us both the break from the chaos that we deserved.
