To the boy who I thought ruined my life,
I have a lot I wish I could of said to you back then.In fact, I had masses of hatred, sadness, bitterness, and maybe even some love to share with you many moons ago. However, I am afraid all of those words, sentences, and paragraphs are only a waste of my breath and times have changed.
If I am being honest, when it all happened I thought my life was over. I did not really know where to go on from you. You had a funny way of doing that to girls. I felt put down, let down, insecure, disappointed, sad, overwhelmed even maybe. Nothing really felt my own anymore and there really was no place to turn. There are not enough words in the English dictionary to tell you how I felt when you tore my world apart single-handedly with your bare hands without even blinking. I cringe at the thought of thinking a guy like you claimed to "love" me and could do what you did. Sadly, I was ignorant and I did not know any better.
But, now I do.
At first, l felt like my whole world was crashing down. I wanted to lay in bed and cry, skip out on meals, watch sad movies, listen to sad music, and completely cut myself off from the world. And for a couple of days, that is okay. Eventually though, I got back up. The world started spinning again. Maybe not as fast or in the same rotation as before, but it is in fact spinning.Life is different than before and maybe for a while the world will seem less bright. However, eventually I got my light back even stronger than before.
All I have to say now is this:
Thank you.
I have had billions upon billions of life lessons up until this point and none that have been as effective as you. I questioned for a long time what was next for me and how I could move on, and I got my answer soon enough. I questioned how bad things happened to good people ALL the time. However, all the answers came with the price of losing you. And it was the best cost. I lost some but I gained more.
Through being with you I had lost myself and once I lost you too, I found myself. I found solitude in your silence and found home within myself. I learned what love really feels like and how valuable and truly rare it is. There are so many people in this world that never truly know how lucky they are because they have never seen the other side, and thanks to you, I have.
I spent months giving myself time to heal and actively taking less for granted. I can now say I am truly happy with who I am and where I am and would not change a single thing you did to me. It is people like you that make me appreciate the small things in this world and the even bigger picture. So thank you for that.
Love,
The girl you thought you broke
