To the person I hurt: If you’re reading this, you’ll immediately know it’s about you. You’ll know because I have said these things to you before, and because you know exactly how I feel about you.

I always praised myself for being an honest person. I was that person who did not know how to lie. I was the kid who couldn’t lie to her parents about bad grades or where I was when I was out late - I always told the truth.

But with you, I failed. I deceived you.

I lied about things that I should have been honest about from the start. I lied about things that are huge, that shattered everything.

But I did it because I was too afraid to tell you the truth. I was too afraid to lose you, which is ironic because I did end up telling you and I did end up losing you; I just delayed the process and made things worse by hiding it for so long.

Finding someone you really and truly care about is an amazing thing; it makes you look at the whole world in a new perspective, especially when you know the other person probably feels the same way about you.

Screwing up and losing the person you really and truly care about, though, is the worst feeling in the world. It’s a new level of heartbreak; one where you can truly, physically feel the loss and pain.

The way I messed up doesn’t make my feelings for you any less, though. You accused me of not caring about you, of lying about my feelings for you; the truth, though, is that you’re one of the most important people to me.

I never really liked putting a guy before myself; it made me feel weak. It made me feel like one of those sappy girls in chick-flicks who go after the wrong guy and end up crying on the porch while the rain pours. The only time I have done it before, it was because I was young and naive and stupid. But that’s how important you are to me. You’re important enough that I have and always will happily put you first.

I don’t know if we’ll be alright, and I don’t know what things will be like in the future, but right now, I want to thank you.

Thank you for the fact that, when my friends started telling me, “you seem so much happier than usual,” you were the reason behind it. Thank you for being the person that I’d gush about to them all the time.

Thank you for looking at me like I was the most important person in the world, like there was nowhere else you’d rather be when we were together.

Thank you for always being yourself, and for opening up to me. Thank you for trusting me, even though I broke that trust.

I made you a promise that I would always be here for you, no matter what. I intend to stick to that promise, and I hope you realize that I will always be here, silently rooting for you and hoping you’re alright.

I hope you realize that I miss you every day, and that I would do anything in the world to undo the mistakes I made.

Here’s hoping that one day, maybe, we’ll get a second chance.