“Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to.” This sums you up in a few short sentences, and although I’ve thanked you before, I’ll do it again. So thank you.
It’s funny to sit here and write a letter to a boy I knew for less than a day, but I guess that proves you really did something for me, doesn’t it? An impulsive decision on my friend’s part to spend my 20th birthday with complete strangers from tinder could have turned out a lot worse, I do recall myself thinking I probably wouldn’t make it to 21 if we really went to this “birthday party” you and your friends were going to throw me. And now I can’t even formulate the words to say just how glad I am that I went regardless of the red alert going off in my head saying I probably should have gone to dinner and ordered the birthday dessert instead.
I remember walking into your house and feeling so awkward, none of us knew each other after all. But somehow after some ASU vs. UofA teasing and a couple beer games later, it didn’t seem like that at all. Thanks for offering to drink for me since I wasn’t a big fan of it myself and for being my game partner even though it was a guaranteed loss for us. Flash forward to an hour after flirty smiles and long looks, thanks for walking me out to get whatever it was I was getting from the car. Somehow that turned into four or so hours of talking about everything and anything that could come to mind.
I was still in a pretty bad place because of a past breakup, it was the kind of breakup that leaves you never wanting to sit outside and talk about life with anyone. It leaves you playing it safe from ever being too vulnerable in front of anyone else. For a very long time, even when I tried, nothing ever stuck or measured up, I couldn’t really remember what it felt like to look at someone and just think wow, but that’s exactly what I thought after only minutes of talking to you. Hearing about all your goals and aspirations, likes and dislikes, past experiences, family, and listening to you answer my ridiculous questions was so refreshing in a way. To feel intrigued and interested in your life, and to be a little nervous whenever you looked at me wasn’t something I remembered feeling towards anyone. I think what really got to me was the mutual interest and care you showed, also towards someone you hardly knew. It was so easy. Easy wasn’t really part of my vocabulary when it came to my past relationship and I wasn’t used to it, same with feeling valid and really, just cared for. I guess that’s something that happens when someone is okay with making you feel undeserving of those things. And although I on my own had taken into account that I was deserving of those things, it felt really nice to see someone else think the same. It stuck with me when you looked at me and told me I deserved so much, it stuck with me when you valued my opinions, it all stuck with me really.
I guess that brings me to the end of our long conversation when we agreed we wanted to see each other again, and the overwhelming peace I felt to finally feel like I could/wanted to try for someone again, after feeling for so long that I’d never be able to. It was the peace that came with being reminded that nice guys still exist, that one person isn’t the last person, and that you can meet someone out of the blue and you do. Although days later we agreed it wasn’t the right time for either of us and eventually we stopped speaking, I’m so thankful to have stood out there with you. It gave me the motivation I needed to move forward with my life. And I guess in a lot of ways, with it came a little proof that the universe sends us exactly what we need, at the exact time we need it in our lives.
Great birthday to say the least, I really appreciate our conversation and time spent with each other. I haven’t felt like that again since then, but it’s cool to know I could and to have something to look back on like that without it ever being seen differently. You’re a wonderful guy with so many great qualities, and I wish you the absolute best. I know one day you’ll be an amazing doctor and that you’ll have an amazing life. Thank you again.
