Dear Me,

Take a breath. I know college applications are hard. They take so much time, and you feel that every sentence needs to be constructed perfectly to get into the school of your dreams. You have an idea of what you want to be -- of who you want to be.

I know high school sucks. You can't wait to leave. Nobody seems to understand your potential there. You feel as though you've hit your peak and need to go somewhere else in order to move forward. I know that you wholeheartedly believe that the only place you can do that is your dream school.

Your hometown is boring. I know. It's the same people, the same stores, and there are no places to go for your age. It's all adults and children. It almost feels like waiting for college is like waiting in purgatory. Nothing to do, nothing to wait for, yet you're still waiting. College is your out.

I know you've made mistakes in your past. I know college is a fresh start. "From here on out," you think to yourself, "no more mistakes. I will be the best me with this fresh start."

Let me tell you something, me. You're dumb. Every priority you have right now is wrong, and you will regret what you've prioritized.

Yes, applications are hard, but that one perfect sentence that you've been struggling with for hours in your essay is NOT going to make that much of a difference. Be confident in yourself. Be confident in what you have to offer. Be confident in the fact that, yeah, maybe you won't get in where you want to go to school. But you'll get in where you need to go to school. Everything happens for a reason, and you will end up going to a school that you love if you trust the process, trust yourself, and have an open mind.

I have nothing to counter the fact that high school sucks. That thought hasn't changed. But, you'll miss the teachers you were closest with. That type of relationship doesn't really exist in college. You'll miss having educators that know you backward and forwards that you got to see every day. You'll also miss seeing your friends every day regardless of your schedule. You'll miss being able to mix socializing with class. You'll miss having school as an outlet to see the people you care about. So, take it in. Let those teachers know you appreciate them. Be grateful to look over in class and see your best friend right there all day long. If you can't love high school, love the people you are there with.

Also, let me tell you something else about this "fresh start" you're hoping for. It's not real. You are who you are because of the mistakes you made. They follow you everywhere, no matter who knows them. But that's not a bad thing. The friends you make and the people you get along with are based on who you are. And you are your successes, failures, and mistakes. The choices you make now are based on the choices you've made in the past. Keep looking forward, don't dwell in the past, but don't hide who you are because your life isn't perfect.

The biggest thing you'll regret, past me, is who you prioritized. You think you need to spend every waking moment with your friends before you leave because you think, "my family will always be there." The truth is, you'll regret not spending that time with your family and eating home cooked meals. You'll regret not hugging your parents harder, and longer, and more often. You'll regret picking dumb fights with your siblings.

The moral of the story is, past me, to drop the pen. Stop writing another draft of your college application. Don't spend that third night in a row at your friend's house over your parents who have been waiting to cook you dinner. Give your mom a hug after not seeing her all day. Take your siblings to the park and spend some time with them. Those are the moments you will remember. Those are the moments you will treasure when you go to school.

See ya on the flip side,

Future You