If my memory of exactly 4 years ago serves me correctly, a fairly high percentage of you are freaking out. You have limited school days left of high school and about a year before college. Anyone older than you is asking what you think you’ll major in, or if you plan to pledge a frat, or how good you are at doing your own laundry. You have fake answers to all of those questions, but in reality you have no idea.
College is not the definitive beginning to the rest of your life.
While life may be somewhat like a very long game of chess, there are dozens if not hundreds of very first moves. It isn’t tic-tac-toe where one 'X' in the wrong box loses the game. Life is a very long and very involved series of moves that affect each other in ways you often cannot predict; and unlike chess or tic-tac-toe, you’re not entirely in control.
I went to the school I wanted, I'm majoring in the major I picked out for myself, and I'm participating in all the activities necessary to prep me. In fact, if you took away my chosen college, my chosen major, and all those chosen activities, I could still be exactly where I am today — starting over.
Did that specific path make this specific change happen? I don’t know. Would I have gotten here faster if I went to a different school? Maybe. Can I look back and point at specific things I would change to make my process look different? Sure. But I could not have made any of those decisions at 18 or, for that matter, even now, when I'm almost 21.
That doesn’t mean that all of that time was meaningless. I learned, I grew, I made friends, I made connections, and most importantly I became the thinking person that learned how to make life decisions. I learned how to start defining my life. But I did that, not my school.
It also doesn’t mean that if you have a plan, you’re a fool. Could I have chosen to be in architecture since day one? Absolutely. Many people are that certain and follow that direct of a path. Sometimes I envy them – the people who marched from A to B without distraction or confusion. That is one way to live a life. Mine is another. My message to you today is that either of us could end up happy, successful, fulfilled and free from regret just as either of us could end up the opposite. And neither end result will be because of where we went to college.
Yes, you should work your hardest and strive to be the best that you can be. Yes, getting a good college education is important to your future as a productive citizen. Yes, effort, energy, enthusiasm, and go-getterness will take you far in this culture. But the difference between an Ivy League and state school education is not the difference between a life of happiness and a life of depression — unless the meaning of your life is defined by those sorts of things.
I promise you, your life is currently undefinable. And I promise you, that’s a very good thing.
I wasn’t ready to decide what would make me happy for the rest of my life when I graduated from high school three years ago. I had some ideas and some direction, which was helpful as I marched toward independence, but most of that direction changed anyway. And as I look back on those final weeks of high school and final months before college and see a stressed-out, burnt-out, worrywart making lists of college courses sure to define a successful march to the top of some unknown field, I want to shake him and say what I’m trying to say to you.
Enjoy not knowing. Enjoy being undefined. Enjoy the fact that you can start and stop and re-start again. Keep your eye toward progress and hard work but don’t let the pursuit of one goal stop you from seeing all the other plays on the board. You are not defined by your 18-year-old self, but you are also never going to get that 18-year-old self back again. Cut yourself some slack, realize you’ve just achieved an incredible feat, and try to enjoy this part of the ride. Because that’s the sort of attitude that will define the rest of your life.
