Dear Alcoholic Parent,
I love you. I grew up admiring you, thinking I was your princess… your angel. Anything you did, I would follow suit; I wanted to be just like you. In my eyes you were perfect. You could do no wrong until I grew up and realized, you were the exact opposite of who I thought you were.
You used to be my hero. The hero that saved me from harms way... Little did I know, you were actually the villain. The villain that would lie and tell his kids that what he was drinking was soda. The villain that would accidentally burn his kids with his cigarettes while tucking them in at night. You were the villain that would drink and drive with his kids sitting right next to him. You were supposed to be the hero in my life but sadly, you never wanted to take that role.
Being an adult now, I look back on my childhood and always see a missing piece: my dad. Endless amounts of sports games: missed. Grand marches for prom: missed. Birthday parties: missed. Holidays: missed. Meeting my friends: missed. High School Graduation: missed. Some of the biggest moments of my life were neglected due to the fact that you weren’t there to see me prosper. I grew up to learn not to count on anything or anybody because there had been too many times I had waited by the window for you to pick me up and you never came. I grew up thinking that if my own dad didn’t want me, then why would anybody else? I grew up blaming myself that I should've been better and then maybe you wouldn’t want to choose alcohol over me. I grew up quiet and reserved to protect myself from more hurt. I wanted you and I needed you in my life… But I wasn’t enough for you, at least not enough to give up drinking.
There’s only so much heartbreak and sorrow a person can hold before they finally need to give up on somebody. I had to make that choice before I was 16 years old. I valued you so much, even though you didn’t deserve it. I miss you terribly and yearn to see you again but I know that's just a dream. As long as there’s a choice to have alcohol in your life, you will always chose alcohol over me.
As much as I hate you for choosing a substance over your own child, I still can’t help but love you. I worry about you, I think about you and I still care about you almost every day. I hope that you have found happiness and still think about me from time to time. No matter what happens or where we end up in our relationship, I want you to remember one thing: I love you.
