Dear Addict,
Is it cruel to call you that? You’re no longer the person who you once were. It’s difficult to associate your name with the empty body that you have become. It seems like a lifetime ago when I could call you my family, my friend, and my loved one. Now, it feels like I don't even know you. You could take an entire room’s breath away with your entrance. Now, you don’t even recognize yourself in the mirror. You’re frail, paler, and you’ve aged to the point where you look 20 years older than you really are.
I always looked up to you. You had an “I can do anything” attitude to you that I adored. You used to have goals and ambitions. I listened to them time and time again. You were going to move away and be somebody, get married, and have a beautiful family of your own. Now, your dreams are dead to you because you found something else to look forward to: your fix. You would do practically anything for your addiction. You’ve left your family and friends behind to clean up your messes, left them wondering where they went wrong with you.
You’ve lost all of the trust of those who loved you. You’ll find yourself in and out of prison for shameful acts. I’ve seen more mug shots of you than I have physically seen you over the years. You’d get clean for a few months and make promises to your family that you could never keep. You promised that it would be different this time around, but then a month goes by and you’ve found yourself spiraling back into your destruction.
There’s something so dangerous about this addiction for you. How far will you take it? Will you wake up in the morning? Will you be there on my wedding day? Will your great grandchildren ever know you? Will you ever be back to the person who you once were or will we be burying you at a young age? I thought that you would learn when we saw our loved one laying in a casket and you promised me that you would change. I really did believe you at the time. We all did. It’s not your fault, though, I don't blame you at all.
"You can never force someone who doesn’t want to change, to actually change. They have to want it themselves," was what I told myself growing up. Yet, as I've grown, I've learned that you may never actually change because this addiction has control over your mind and body. You can’t help it. You wake up every morning and crave it. No matter how much you have destroyed yourself, you’ll always love it. In a way, I feel the same way. No matter how far down you may take yourself, no matter how many times you’ve hurt me, lied to me, stolen from me, and broke my heart time and time again, I will always love you. Love is unconditional. This love is unconditional. You don’t give up on someone who you love. I will be there every time you hit rock bottom to pick you back up. I will always encourage you to have dreams again because I know that you are destined for greatness. When you’re feeling alone, know that I will always be here to remind you that you are loved. When you don’t think that you can physically handle the withdrawals, I’ll be there to hold your hand. When you don’t think that you can take this life you live any longer, know that I will be your crutch. I will give you the strength to carry on. Together, we are invincible and I will help you through this addiction. I want you to know that you can be you again and that it is never too late to change the direction of your life. You never know what tomorrow may bring, but I pray that it brings you back to me.
