Dear my beautiful younger self,
Hey there. I know it must be extremely odd to hear from me; you're older, “slightly” less naïve, wiser persona. OK, I’m probably, definitely, not wiser, but I do feel like I have gained a better sense of the world since my heyday back in 7th grade.
I guess, to put it simply, a lot of things have changed since I’ve last seen you. There have been boys (many boys), countless friendships, and a plethora of heartaches. You’ve always felt emotions too strongly and carried the burden of others, two aspects of your personality that have unfortunately tirelessly drained your heart over the years. However, it has made your soul stronger in the process, stronger than any other human being you’ve ever encountered. So, in that aspect, I suppose its has been a good thing.
I’m not going to lie, middle and high school will be rough. Some days the weight of the world will be too much for your tiny 5’3 shoulders (you won’t grow much more, BTW), causing you to stress and freak out for weeks at a time. There will also be a few mental breakdowns in the middle of the school day…. those were rough, but you will have loving friends to support you throughout the inner turmoil. In that aspect, you will learn to not be afraid to cry in front of others, even if it makes you feel vulnerable and weak in the moment.
Friendships will be no easier to navigate. You’re great at making friends, but keeping them is an entirely different story. You will think that people truly care about you, but they’ll prove you wrong, and leave you without a care in the world. It will suck…it will suck a lot. But, you’ll persevere and smile throughout it all, because your soul will be capable of taking many blows.
Relationships -- eh, there’s way too much to talk about on that subject. Just know that love will trump all and your mom’s shoulder is a great place on which to cry.
However, there will always be one thing you can count on, the loveliness of school! OK, maybe it was really stressful at times, but it is what has always set you apart from others. Your intellect and love for learning will never falter, that’s one thing I’ll forever be certain about. In the end, it will be the one thing that will keep your hope ablaze, just knowing that you’re smarter than to deal with all the petty drama of the world. (Also, that you’re hopefully going to be a world-renowned scientist). P.S. You’ll fall totally in love with science… and learn sometimes being a nerd is a good thing.
You’ll never lose your wonder for the world. Your adventurous, quirky, completely ridiculous side will never be changed, no matter how many times the outside world will try. No one will be able to alter how you think, how you dress, or how big you dream. But, be aware, they will try hard. They will bully you, mock you, and attempt to belittle you until your whole being fades into oblivion. Again, it will suck, but somehow you’ll find that inner strength that has been keeping you afloat for years.
You’ll learn that you’re not always right (even if you still think so 99 percent of the time). Admitting that you’re wrong is one of hardest things you’ll ever have to do in this world… but the reward will always be so much bigger. I can promise you that. Of course, mistakes will happen, as with anything in life, and your stubbornness will get in the way. You just need to make sure it doesn’t get in the way when it truly matters.
However, you’ll learn to never apologize for being you. The world may make you hate yourself sometimes (most of the time), but you’ll learn to stop blaming yourself for the things you cannot change. People were put in your past for a reason; never allow them to enter your future.
Most importantly, you’ll learn how to grow up and move past the things that simply do not matter. You were always a mature thinker for your age, and that will never change. Just stay true to your beliefs and always know your self-worth.
I know you can do this, darling. The journey to the top is always bumpy, but damn is the view worth it.
As always, xoxo
Cristina
