I think of you more than I'd like to admit. You haunt my thoughts when my consciousness lets its guard down. Your face is plastered on characters in my dreams. Sometimes you're the main character and I relive what you've done to me. Because of you and your actions, the last 2 years of my life have been hell. I suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, and PTSD. I was scared of anyone and anything. I was scared to leave my house because the thought of running into to you terrified me. I grew so distant that I lost amazing relationships with my parents. I couldn't look them in the eye knowing what you did to me.

That led me to make terrible decisions; turning to drugs and alcohol. I felt scared not being able to ask for help because nobody would understand. I had to switch schools because my anxiety got so bad causing me to practically fail my junior year of high school. I had to quit my only hobby. Something I enjoyed doing so much, you made impossible for me to do. It all became too much. I couldn't perform in front of the entire town knowing I was the girl that was raped.

I think about my old life every day, and how much I miss the old me. I was so happy without a care in the world, and you took that from me. You took my confidence. I couldn't look at myself. I was so ashamed, I felt dirty. I felt like no one would love me because I was just "seconds," damaged goods.

I'm not myself anymore and I never will be, but because of you, I am a stronger person. Because I've been through hell and back, I can finally leave my house.

I'm finishing up my senior year with As and Bs, I can look at myself and love who I am, love what I've become and love who I am becoming. I am not a victim of you or myself anymore, I'm a survivor. Because of you, I will go on with my life, I will graduate, go to college, live on my own, find someone who loves me and will accept me and all of my flaws, I will have a family, maybe someday I can forgive what you did, knowing you're sick. But as of right now I can't even imagine forgiving you.