Dear Mimi,

I know that you are no longer in pain and with uncle John John and that you are happy now and that brings me some peace...

But I'm selfish and I miss you. And I know on the inside I am refusing to acknowledge you are gone because we've always been so far away. Maybe that makes it easier for me because no matter how far we have been you have always done everything you could to let me know that you love and support me... that's what hurts so much.

You are happy watching over us and I know in my heart you wish us nothing but happiness because you always gave all you had to try and give us just a spark of it. You are the kindest and most giving person I have ever known and I try so hard to be like you; so unique, so caring and so giving yet stronger than anyone else I have ever met.

And here we are at the end of our journey together, you've walked down your fork in the road and I have stayed on my rocky path. I take comfort in knowing that you are no longer suffering from Lou Gehrig's disease; That you are not alone, and that Uncle John John now has you to keep him company once more, to argue, laugh and cry as you guys watch over us as we make our mistakes, take our tumbles and try to figure out life a bit before we all join you.

I grow more and more thankful each day that you were in my life, that you helped teach me to be the person that I am. I would never have been as strong, or have the courage to wear my heart on my sleeve and to feel my emotions and not be ashamed. I may not be able to fully feel the emotions of everything going on right now but I know I will when I am ready. And when I do, I know you will be right by my side, soothing my soul in a way that I won't be able to understand, but I know I will be loved.

Because of you, I have been able to be strong in my life, in times when I thought everyone hated me you always made sure that I knew you loved me. Because of you, even when my Dad and Mom were not there I knew I had you, even when you were not by my side. Because of you, I know that the claw machines just require a skill that God knows you possessed. Because of you, I can stand tall and fight my depression like the Barilone I am, and because of you, I will never ask myself the question: Am I really a Barilone?

So I may not have been able to be around as much as I could have, and I could not be there for you when you passed, but I promise you have not left my thoughts even when we were apart, and I'll make a promise to you to try to be more like you in my days. To stay strong and not be ashamed to be the person I am. To continue to let my heart guide me and be unique and let the world see me as I am.

I'll always remember the story of how far you went to find me wings, that you understood how badly I wanted to be a guardian angel and not just on Halloween but every day.... But now it's your turn to dawn your wings and be our protector yet again. Only now it will be different, I'll still know you are here with me.

I love you so much, Mimi. This isn't goodbye forever, Just goodbye for now so I'll keep smiling.