There are a lot of good and bad things to be said about America's justice system as of 2016, some people will get justice for the crimes committed against them and that means the justice system does work, sometimes. I am here to write about the experience I am currently having with the Philadelphia justice system.
What happens in America when a person is raped? Alongside the trauma that has to be endured for the rest of my life while I try to work through the pain of acknowledging that I was raped, and telling myself, yes, that terrible thing happened to me, I also have to wait for Philadelphia Special Victims Unit to gather evidence to prove that I was raped to give to the District Attorney. The worst part about this process with SVU is that because I waited over a year and half it seems like my case isn't going to involve my rapist getting arrested. It terrifies me that I have to wait for the District Attorney to see if I was raped bad enough to get the rapist arrested. In my head, I guess I thought that I deserved justice but during me giving my report it didn't seem like I was going to get any justice. The officer interviewing did not seem to think something would come of this case. After the interview I was told by the officer I need to find evidence of the rape and he gave me a week to do so. Evidence would be therapist notes from 2014 when it happened, friends that I told when it happened.
So I spent the next three days after that in constant stress and depression while calling people I haven't talked to in years to ask them if they remember my rape. I felt helpless again, like I did before I accepted that I was raped. It was so difficult for me to find people I told when it happened because I didn't start talking about my rape until late into 2015. Thankfully after texting and calling most of the peopIe have been friends with in the past 2 years I found people who remember. Now I am still waiting on therapist to call me back with information they may not even have, I am waiting for SVU to call my friends and hopefully that will be enough to get rapist arrested, but it doesn't feel like it will be enough.
I was told by a lot of trained mental heath professionals, doctors, and family members is to tell the police. When I would talk about the rape with a therapist filling out a report was always a question that was asked, but I wouldn't do it back then; I just wasn't ready, I wasn't in a good where I could deal with all this talking about it, with waiting to have a District Attorney decide if I was raped.
Back in 2015 when I started to acknowledge that I was raped and I was trying to heal from it my rapist contacted me, after he contacted me, my life rapidly when downhill. I started getting very sick and would go to the emergency room multiple times a month, I couldn't eat anything expect bread, beans, and water. My doctors couldn't find a reason for all the stomach problems, I got a nervous systems disease and couldn't really walk. I needed a cane to move around at 19, I would cry in pain holding whatever was in pain at the time, ranging from knees to hips, to legs, to arms, no where was safe from the pain. Also, the mental pain of panic attacks every day, crying because every male that could be near me would look like my rapist to me, I would disassociate so much and be back in that unsafe place of my mind that was flooded with him. I didn't see hope for me in 2015 or in the beginning of this year...
In March of this year while in intensive therapy, I had a brea through and a break down when I got into the car to go home with my best friend. That experience was different then anything I have done before, because of all the talking in intensive group therapy I had come to a point when I realize what had happened to me and that it was in no way OK. I sat in the car outside of therapy for an hour sobbing to my best friend, I finally admitted to myself what happened and forced myself to think about it. I used coping skills I learned in therapy and made artwork to express my pain. All of that really helped me in my healing process and I am lucky to be alive. My life has been getting better since March. I have gone back to work and I try to keep myself busy with spending time with the positive people I care about.
Even though a police report at this point may not help me with getting my offender arrested I still completely agree with survivors filling out a police report, because it will let the police know that person they didn't know about before is a sexual offender and that can help save others from being harmed. If you are a rape survivor or have been harmed sexually please go and fill out a police report as soon as possible so you have a better chance of getting justice.
