Reaching out to you

Was reaching through the fog

Of my own mind

Of the desires, curiosity, longing

Swirling therein.

Reaching out to you

And you took my hand

But then quickly dropped it

Did its clamminess unnerve you?

Disgust you?

I’ve continued to grasp blindly

To stumble in search

Of your affection

Attention

Anything.

I jump when you reach back

However slight the gesture

But your hand evaporates

Dissolves into the fog

And I, ashamed, retreat.

I hate the desperation

Steaming from my pores

Cutting into my awareness

Making me scan

Within and without

For you.

I hate your apathy

Perhaps because I know it

Intimately

And have portioned it out

To others

As you do to me.

I hate the stupid, stupid power you wield!

Do you know you do?

In my resentment, I’m assured

That you do

That you know

Acutely

I heard that you sought love

And covered the tracks

Of your search

With a façade

Of carelessness

How deeply does that façade cut?

Is it now your truth?

Has it always been?

Or is it just what I see

Because in your eyes

I deserve not your care

My heart sinks to think

That I do not cross your mind

Except as a warm body

To kiss, lie beside

And only when you’re wasted.

Rest assured, you need never see me again

After your rise in May.