Reaching out to you
Was reaching through the fog
Of my own mind
Of the desires, curiosity, longing
Swirling therein.
Reaching out to you
And you took my hand
But then quickly dropped it
Did its clamminess unnerve you?
Disgust you?
I’ve continued to grasp blindly
To stumble in search
Of your affection
Attention
Anything.
I jump when you reach back
However slight the gesture
But your hand evaporates
Dissolves into the fog
And I, ashamed, retreat.
I hate the desperation
Steaming from my pores
Cutting into my awareness
Making me scan
Within and without
For you.
I hate your apathy
Perhaps because I know it
Intimately
And have portioned it out
To others
As you do to me.
I hate the stupid, stupid power you wield!
Do you know you do?
In my resentment, I’m assured
That you do
That you know
Acutely
I heard that you sought love
And covered the tracks
Of your search
With a façade
Of carelessness
How deeply does that façade cut?
Is it now your truth?
Has it always been?
Or is it just what I see
Because in your eyes
I deserve not your care
My heart sinks to think
That I do not cross your mind
Except as a warm body
To kiss, lie beside
And only when you’re wasted.
Rest assured, you need never see me again
After your rise in May.
